The second biggest headline: "Thank You."

What made me cry today:

I was watching the Japanese news (again. I know. I should stop), and watched this 12-year old in Iwate prefecture memorialize what happened to her on 3/11. She was making a home-made, hand-written 'newspaper' to process and preserve what she's gone through. The biggest headline was naturally "Tsunami Came," as the tsunami swallowed and wiped away her home. But the second headline was "Thank You." She lives in the elementary school she goes to, which became one of the local evacuation shelters - and she wanted to thank those who brought her family food, and also thank the people from the local community, who were helping at the shelter.

She wrote:

"I'd never thought such a big earthquake, or a tsunami, was possible. It was scary. We lost everything. But everyone in my family is alive, so I'm glad about that."

"Because of the nice people from the Self Defense Forces, my family is able to eat 3 times a day. Although we lost our home, there are people from the local community who are helping us at the shelter, and with their help, we'll be able to try hard [to rebuild our life again]. So I want to say to all of them, 'Thank you.'"

She graduated from her elementary school yesterday, in the gymnasium where they sleep, surrounded by the boxes of essential supplies like bath tissues. She couldn't wear the nice clothes her family prepared, but she was happy she could graduate in a graduation ceremony.

Waaaah. (T-T) ← tears running down my cheeks

In another segment, this 18-year old was trying to clean up the rubble. No one was paying him to do it. Every house and building in his town looked like piles of matchsticks. He apparently had secured a job in Tokyo after he graduates from his high school. He said, "I thought I'd move to the city and make some good money, but I think my hometown is more important now. I want to be here and help rebuild it."

Waaaah. (T-T)

We are so spoiled sometimes (OK, lots of times). As we get older, we start to believe we are entitled to various luxuries, and stop appreciating what we have. I think we could learn a thing or two from these kids, who lost just about everything. (Now that I'm old, I think of 18-year olds as kids - scary!)

-A

Life continues in Fukushima - 福島の生活は続く。

Oguninuma Wetland in Fukushima.
雄国沼湿原

We were supposed to depart to Japan today (3/22).

Obviously that didn't happen for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact we can't exactly reach Fukushima to see my family. The bullet train service remains closed, the freeway is open to emergency vehicles only, and even if we were to brave the side roads, we wouldn't be able to buy gas. (Blast!) Oh, did I mention my family's home falls in the 50 miles evacuation area imposed by the U.S. Gov't?

I was lucky. My family's home remained intact (sans the stone fence that became a pile of rubble - see below), and everyone is alive and well. They even have running water now, after being out of it for a week.

Still, the situation at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant remains tense, and there is no end in sight for this plant fiasco. My brother's school became one of the evacuation sites for those who live close to the plant, so he is working there every day in lieu of his normal teaching job.

People in Fukushima seem to be remaining fairly calm, considering what they are going through. I hear there's mild panic in places like Tokyo, but since people in Fukushima don't have many choices, they are staying put, trying to continue or establish their everyday life (even at shelters). When they had to line up for water for 4 hours, my mom said everyone was smiling, chatting, and in general seemed content about it. She attributed it to Fukushimans' (←made-up word) laid-back disposition.

It's not exactly an urban area where my folks live, so usually there is a lot of driving. Since there is no gas available for purchase, they've been walking a lot (including going to get water when water was scarce). They are making the best of it, saying, "It's giving us a good exercise!" (Though they did need it.)

People have asked me, "Don't they want to get out?" "How about coming to Tokyo?" "Do they want to stay in Seattle for a while?" These are all reasonable questions to ask.

The answer is, no, they don't want to get out of Fukushima. Aside from the fact they can't physically get out on their own (no train, no road, no gas), even if they had the resources, they'd choose to stay there unless evacuation is absolutely necessary.

Fukushima is their home. My father and brother are looking forward to teaching when the schools finally open (maybe in May instead of April?); the kids would go back to school; my mom will be an official Fukushima flower guide volunteer (she trained months for it!) - and their life continues in Fukushima.

Life is in fact going right now - my sister-in-law realized the kids have had a week-long vacation inadvertently, so she's making them study at home. Come to think of it, since my family consists of teachers (my father, mother, brother, and sister-in-law), they could probably try to teach the curriculum if they so chose.

When I was talking to my mom about the lack of fuel, more than going to the store or getting around, what she cared about the most was: "I feel bad we couldn't pay a visit to the [family] grave." Amidst all this craziness, I had forgotten about Ohigan. My mother obviously didn't.

(For those of you outside Japan, the time surrounding the spring and fall equinox is called "Ohigan," which is a time to go to the family grave and honor your ancestors. In Japan, unless the grave is abandoned (because the family died off or something), the temple/cemetery doesn't keep up the headstone and its base structure that holds the clan's urns. The family does. Ohigan is one of the many times to do so. You go back home for it even if you live elsewhere.)

This really touched me. For my mom and many before her, Fukushima is *the* home, where they have Ohigan. They couldn't imagine leaving it. So I felt very silly to even bring up getting away from it.

People looking in from the outside may think, "Why would you want to stay there?" or "Why would you want to rebuild where it's dangerous/possibly radioactive?" I suspect most, if not all, of the people who evacuated from the area surrounding the power plant would want to go home if they could, and continue their lives. Because that is their home.

-A

Good thing they didn't have the car or one of the kids next to the fence!

車を塀の隣に停めてたり、子供が横にいなくて良かった〜。

実は今日（22日）、日本に一時帰国する予定でした。

当然ながら一番の目的は家族に会う事だったので、

新幹線、東北自動車道などなど使えない状態の今、

実家の福島に帰れない以上行く意味がありません。

普通の道をなんとか繋げて行くにしてもガソリンが

買えないのですからしょうがありません。

（八方塞がりとはこのことですね！笑）

家族が全員助かり、家も塀が崩れたのを除けば

ほとんどダメージがなかったので、

その点はとてもラッキーでした。

水も数日前に出るようになりましたし。

とは言え、福島第一原発では安心できない状況が

続き、完全な収束には時間がかかるでしょう。

兄の勤める高校は原発周辺の住民の方々の避難所となり、

普段の仕事の代わりにお手伝いをしているそうです。

母は福島の人はのんびりしているからだと言いますが、

この状況下でも、みんな意外に落ち着いているそうです。

東京などでは（特に、海外メディアから情報を得ている

人達は）「どうしよう逃げるべき？」と思案したり、

もう既に関西や海外に行ってしまった人達も

いるようですが、何しろ選択肢があまりない福島の人達は、

いるところが避難所であれ自分の家であれ、

今できるだけの「日常的」な生活をしようとしています。

先日、給水所で水をもらうのが4時間待ちだったときも、

みんなニコニコおしゃべりしながら待っていたそうです。

家族の住んでいるところはあまり人口密度が高くないので、

普段は車での移動が多くなります。

燃料が手に入らなかったので、水をもらいに行ったのも

もちろん徒歩ですが、「運動になって良かった！」とか

言っていました（運動はいいんだけど、待つのが寒そう）。

地震があって、原発がこんなことになってから、

いろいろな人に聞かれました。

「ご家族は疎開とか考えたのかな？」

「東京の親戚のところに身をよせるとか？」

「シアトルに来るっていうのはどう？」

どれも、もっともな質問です。

答えはどれも、「まさか〜」でした。

出たいと思っても出る手段がない、ということは

別にして、本当に危険で必要がない限り、

福島を出る事は考えていない、とのことです。

それは福島が家族の家で生活のベースだから。

父と兄は（5月になるのかいつになるやら）

学校が始まったら教鞭をとるし、

子供達は学校に行くし、母はふくしま花案内人の

ボランティアがあるし、そして今ももちろん、

福島での生活は危機で止まっているのではなく、

続いているのです。

義理の姉は、ふっと気付いたら

一週間子供達が遊んで過ごしてしまったので、

勉強をさせ始めたそうです。←えらい。

（家族は全員教師なので、もしかしたら殆どの科目は

家でも学校のカリキュラムを教えられるかも！？）

昨夜、母とガソリンがないことを話していて、

彼女が不便を訴えたのは買い物のことでも

出かけることでもなく、

「ただ、お墓参りに行けなかったのが

悪かったんだけど」ということでした。

海外にいて忘れていましたが、

お彼岸だったのですね。

これには心を打たれました。

母や、福島にずっと暮らしてきた人達にとって、

福島はほんとうの「家」でありルーツなのです。

逃げ出す事なんて考えられないのも無理はありません。

それを、「シアトルに来られたら来たい？」などと

言った自分はとんでもなく浅はかでした。

外から見たら、「なんで危ない（かも知れない）のに

留まるの？」とか、「放射能が危険かも知れないのに、

またそこに帰るの？」とか思われるかもしれません。

でも、原発のまわりに住んでいて避難した人達も、

帰れるものならそこに帰って、また生活したいと

願っていると思います。

そこは彼等の家だから。

-英

What to learn from sweater pills - セーターの毛玉から学ぶこと。

I gave Daniel a sweater for Christmas. He likes it so much, he wears it way too often - as a result, it's ended up with lots of pills after just a month of wear. (-_-) Pills were everywhere!

So there I was the other night, trying to remove pills with one of those de-fuzzing combs, as well as a shaver. After about 10 minutes of effort, it looked much better. But as it got better, less noticeable ones stood out more: "Oh, there's some over here too!" "Oh wait, I missed this whole section." It seemed there wasn't an end to this.

These little ones didn't stick out when there were big pills everywhere - then they became suddenly bothersome when it became close to being perfect, with the big ones gone. I figured, life is a lot like this.

A few years ago, on many days I could barely walk. Just about a year ago, I was tormented by the sore throat (complete with white spots!) that lasted for almost two years. It seemed I couldn't function without the weekly immune support IVs.

Now, things are much better. I still can't talk very much or I suffer, but I don't wake up with a sore throat every day. Most of the time I can drive myself to appointments. I'm not afraid to walk around our neighborhood - I no longer fear pain would stop me in my tracks.

So compared to before, I'm like the sweater with much smaller pills. I still notice the painful fingers when I type or knit (or just browse); I still tire easily; my eyes hurt when I look at the computer screen. But you know what? Those things only happen because I'm able to be up and about doing things. Before, the bigger problem was that I could never get up and use the computer (though I still used my laptop sideways in bed).

Nowadays my chair gets much more use because I have enough energy to be upright. Complaining that my body hurts from sitting in it is not unlike chasing after the smaller pills on the sweater. The closer something is to being perfect, the more smaller flaws we notice.

Every time I'm tempted to complain, I will remember: Life is actually pretty good right now, just like that sweater.

-A

P.S. The crowning achievement(?) of the past year: Now I can carry my own purse much of the time! Though I do appreciate that I have a nice husband who is willing to carry it when I start hurting.

A New Year and Back on the Earth - 地球に帰ってくる新年！

(For those of you who are curious:

this letter means "road" or "path.")

Happy New Year!

In Japan, a lot of people whip out their brush, paper, and ink, then do calligraphy on January 2nd, writing letters, poems, new years resolutions or haikus as their first and pristine effort of the year. They call it Kakizome (first writing). This is my Kakizome, in the form of a blog post!

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I recently read an interview of Laura Hillenbrand, who is the author of the novel Seabiscuit: An American Legend. It turns out, she was struck by chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) too when she was 19 and in college. The time was 1987. She was exhausted, felt ill, and could barely get up because of severe vertigo. That state has continued till this day with ups and downs.

CFS is still little understood (researches have attributed it to various chronic infections in the past, but none of that has been proven to be the direct cause), but it was even less understood back then.

It took several years for doctors to diagnose her--she was first diagnosed with strep throat, stress, laziness, anorexia, depression, or even an "attitude problem." Jay Leno was calling it "the yuppie flu" on TV and making fun of it. It must have been devastating when she could barely move from the overwhelming fatigue, and all she wanted was to get up and be well again.

She says that her friends and family just expected that she would get better and go back to college--go back to where she was, and resume her old life. When that didn't happen, her friends, probably busy with their own lives, seemed to forget about her, and her family "offered a collective shrug." The only person who offered real support and kept her afloat was her college boyfriend, who later became her husband.

She describes the feeling of isolation: “It’s like you go to another place, like you’re not on this planet anymore,” “You reach a level of despair and suffering where you just don’t feel like the rest of the world.” She also says of the way she saw herself: "For a long time I felt stuck at 19 forever, stuck in the way people saw me."

I know those feelings all too well, and it made me cry.

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When I started this blog back in 2007, I almost had those same expectations as her family and friends. I was newly diagnosed with fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS), CFS, and celiac disease, and I thought to myself: "I'll beat these things, emerge victorious, and resume my life."

I think "resume" is the key word here that should never have been used. I never accepted that the life I have been living since then was the very life I got and ought to be living. I looked at my illness as a temporary state--a pause of sorts in my life. I looked at it as a setback that held me back from my true state, to which I would go back.

2010 was a tipping point, in that I became truly frustrated that this "temporary state" had lasted for so long. When it's been over 3 years, it seemed no longer reasonable to call it a pause. I presumed my family and friends probably expected me to get better in a couple of years, and since I couldn't do so, I felt like I was letting them down. My other presumption was that I was only an acceptable person in my old state: healthy, with a career and/or school to go to, zipping around from place to place with purpose.

Like Ms. Hillenbrand, I felt like I dropped from the face of the earth, like I wasn't part of the rest of the world anymore. My expectation of "what should be me" was stuck in 2006 before I first got sick; I used to think I'd go back to that version of me, and somehow make up for the time I lost in between. Except that wasn't really possible. And in a state of depression, I assumed that was everyone else's expectation, too.

Of course, many of these presumptions were mine. My family and friends have been far more supportive than the experience Ms. Hillenbrand describes, and luckily, I was diagnosed with various conditions far more quickly than she was. Yet, the feelings that accompany chronic illnesses transcend time, culture and place. One of the most prominent is the tremendous feeling of guilt that you are not getting all better to go back to being the person that you were before you got sick.

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So my new year resolution is this: Less guilt! And to celebrate the life that I have. I'll try to throw out the presumptions and self-imposed timelines, and cherish what I do have: A comfortable life with a husband who loves me in a town we both love, loving family and friends, and three loving cats who've been with us through thick and thin. I also have my mind that lets me write. I couldn't ask for much more than that.

Life is not perfect. Even when I hurt physically or feel exhausted, I will embrace that as my present state and work with the hand I've been dealt with. I will be Me: Version 2011, and no longer look back to the old Me: V. 2006.

-A

明けましておめでとうございます。m(__)m

舌足らずなブログに寄っていただきありがとうございます。

今年もまたよろしくお願いします！

日本では正月２日に書き初めをしますが（日本にいてもしないけど）、

久々のブログ更新というかたちで書き初めにかえたいと思います。

（また長くてすみません！）

*************************************************************************************

この間、トビー・マグワイアが主演した映画「シービスケット」の

原作本の作者であるローラ・ヒレンブランド氏のインタビューを読みました。

彼女も、大学に行っている19歳のときに慢性疲労症候群（CFS）を発病し、

とてつもない倦怠感にみまわれ、いつもめまいがしたため起き上がることも

なかなかできなかったそうです。1987年に発病して以来少し良くなったり

悪くなったりを繰り返しましたが、今もなかなか家から出られないという話でした。

CFSは今でもあまり理解されていない病気です。最近になっていろいろな

慢性感染との関連性が研究されていますが、直接の原因は究明されていませんし、

確立された治療法もありません。1980年代には殆ど理解されていなかったと

いっていいでしょう。

彼女がきちんと診断されるまで、5〜6年はかかったそうです。

連鎖球菌性咽頭炎ではないかとか、単に怠け者なのではとか、拒食症、鬱、

または、単に人生に対する態度の問題だとか、彼女はいろいろな診断、偏見を

うけました。その頃、テレビ番組の中でコメディアンのジェイ・レノは、

CFSのことを「金持ちのインフルエンザ」と呼び笑っていました。

（余裕があるからかかっていられる、という意味のジョーク。

慢性の病気を患って、余裕がある人なんて滅多にいませんが。）

自分ではどうしようもない倦怠感から起き上がれず、健康になって

歩き回りたかった彼女にとって、それがどんなにつらかったことでしょうか。

大学の友人や家族は、彼女は多分すぐに良くなって大学に復学し、すべてが

もとに戻るものだと思っていました。それが起こらなかったとき、みんな

それぞれの生活で忙しかったのでしょうが、友人にはだんだんと忘れられ、

家族には「まあ、どうしようもないからしょうがないね」、という感じで

放っておかれたそうです。唯一そばについていてサポートしてくれたのは

大学時代のボーイフレンド、後に夫となるフラナガン氏でした。

彼女はずっと長年感じた孤立感をこのように表現していました。「私がもう

この惑星にはいないかのように、どこかに行ってしまったかのように思われる

のよね。」「絶望感と苦しみの中で、まわりの世の中の一部ではなくなって

しまったように思える。」　そして自分をどのように見ていたかについて、

「ずっと、自分のなかの時間が19歳の自分で止まってしまっていたの。

それが、まわりの人間がみとめた自分だった」

その気持ちが痛いほど分かって、読んでいて涙が出ました。

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2007年にこのブログを始めたとき、私も自分に対して、彼女の友人や家族が

持ったような期待をもっていました。線維筋痛症（FMS）、慢性疲労症候群（CFS）、

セリアック病と診断を受け、こう考えていたのです。「病気かあ。そんなのには

（すぐ）打ち勝って、また元の生活を回復するから平気！」

この「回復」であるとか、「取り戻す」とかいう言葉がくせ者だったのですね。

（だいたい人生、ずっと同じ状態であることなんかないんだし。）考えてみると、

毎日過ごしていて、それが今の自分の生活であるということを、自分のなかで

受け入れていませんでした。頭のどこかで、一時的な状態であると思っていた。

すごろくで言ったら、一回休み、の休止状態だと。今の生活が、自分に課した

「あるべき自分」に到達／回帰する前の、障害物であるかのように考えていました、

ここ何年かずっと。

2010年はつらい年でした。この「一時的な状態」が長く続いて、3年もすると、

休止状態とは言っていられなくなったからです（苦笑）。家族や友人は多分、

1〜2年で良くなるものだと思ってただろうな、と考え、とすると、それが

できなかった自分がもどかしくて悪く思える。そして自分の頭の中でまた勝手に

とらわれたのは、年齢的にも（だいたいは）健康で、仕事をしたり勉強したり

（人によっては育児をしたり）して、かけずりまわっていなければ駄目、

という強迫観念。（考えてみれば、他人にはあまり関係ないので、じゃあ

しなかったから何？ってことになるんですけどね。）

ヒレンブランド氏と同じく、地球上から落っこちてしまったような、世の中の

一部ではなくなってしまったかのような気持ちになっていました。

「あるべき自分」の姿は、病気になる前に見た2006年の自分のまま。そこに戻って、

そして遅れてしまった分を取り戻して・・・と考えていたのが、もうそれが

できないところまで来てしまった。そして鬱々としていた中で、まわりの人間も、

私が2006年当時の元気な状態に戻るものと思っている、と勝手に考えていました。

もちろん、こうした推定の多くは自分の頭で勝手に生み出したものです。

私の家族や友人は、ヒレンブランド氏の話よりもはるかに思いやりをもって

支え励ましてくれますし、幸運なことに、診断された環境ももっと速やかでした。

とは言え、慢性的な病気にともなう感情には時代、文化、場所を問わず

共通するものがあります。中でもひときわ強く感じるのは、猛烈な罪悪感。

良くならず、病気になる前の自分に戻れない、という自責の念です。

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そこで新年の目標としてかかげるのは、できるだけ自分を責めない！ということ。

そして、今自分が持っているもの、ある生活に感謝して大切にするということ。

勝手にまわりが何を考えているか推定するのはやめて、いついつまでに治る、

とかいう時間や状態を設定・予測することもやめて、いまの生活を大事にします。

考えてみると、文句は言えないくらい色々たくさん持っているのです。

大事にしてくれるだんな様との、好きな街での快適な生活、愛情深い家族と友人、

辛いときも幸せなときもいつも一緒にいてくれた猫たち。

何もかもパーフェクトな人生なんてありません。たとえ体が痛くても、

疲れて動けなくても、そのときどきの状態を受け入れて、これが今の自分だから

大切にしていこうと思います。2006年バージョンの自分をふりかえることはやめて、

2011年バージョン、今の自分で今年はやっていきます。

英

Babies! in different places - （世界中いろんな所の）赤ちゃん！

No, I'm not pregnant. But it seems like this past year our life has been very baby-oriented, in that our family members and close friends have had new babies left and right. (Congratulations, Annette & Derrick, on your newest arrival!)

The new movie "Babies" follows four babies in different places:

Opuwo, Namibia; Tokyo, Japan; Bayanchandmani, Mongolia; and San Francisco, U.S.A.

What I'm realizing is that the moms (and dads) in different places have touchingly similar emotions and experiences--and at the same time, vastly different experiences depending on where they live.

For example, I learned recently that my friends in Japan almost must be working (for someone else) in order to enroll their child in a licensed daycare/preschool. I vaguely knew this from watching a made-for-TV drama "Daisuki!" (I love [you] to death!), which chronicled the struggles (and triumphs) of a young, developmentally disabled, recently widowed single mom. (Yeah, talk about having odds stacked against you.) In it, childrearing gets to be hard (and sometimes dangerous) for her and her family since everyone else has to go to work and the mother has limited abilities to mentally organize necessary tasks or to respond to emergencies. So they set out to find some childcare help/preschool, but most preschools turn her away because she is not a "working mom" (and also because they find the child somewhat disruptive, at first)--eventually she finds one preschool, but there other moms talk (so mean!) behind her back because "It's not like she has a job."

Our heroine eventually develops enough skills in the drama to work part-time at a bakery (where she almost loses the job, of course), but I'm sure for many that may not be possible.

Here in the U.S., I'm sure some preschools have wait lists and other obstacles, but it's not like you need to present a reason why you need childcare/preschool. I know of friends who start their child in daycare/preschool because they felt group socialization was a good idea; others get childcare while they attend school. Other times, there are drop-off daycare centers, where your child can show up part-time as long as you pay. Sure it's costly and it may not be accessible to everyone, but you are not asked to have one kind of life or another.

Apparently you are in Japan, because my friend just got turned down for licensed daycare centers when she put down "self-employed" for her employment status. She was able to, however, get a spot at an unlicensed preschool. I guess the reasoning is that these daycare centers receive government funding, but if someone wants to further their education or be self-employed, shouldn't those be a good enough reason?

I guess we tend to have more choices in this country. And it's always hard to state which system is better--the Japanese system may drive moms bonkers, but it is true that Japanese kids are significantly better behaved and tend to grow up much less violent (in general anyway). But are those Japanese kids happier? I'm not sure. Are American kids happier as their parents has more choices? I'm not sure of that either.

The new movie, Babies, follows four babies from four very different places: Opuwo, Namibia; Tokyo, Japan; Bayanchandmani, Mongolia; and San Francisco, U.S.A. I saw the preview in a theater, and back then vaguely wanted to watch it because the babies were cute. Now, I really want to watch it, because I also want to see the different experiences of the parents in different places (and common, shared experiences too). I'm imagining that people in Namibia and Mongolia have even less childcare options, but I could be mistaken--I really don't know much about Namibia or Mongolia.

So, when I was contacted recently by BzzAgent about watching & sharing some exclusive content from the movie, I jumped at the idea. (BzzAgents typically get to try new products and services and share their experience with their friends and families; I'm a BzzAgent.) What timing! Just the movie I wanted to see.

Some things are always true: Babies are a blessing and joy. They are positively adorable. Other things also tend to be true. I know of very few friends (okay, maybe one) who didn't go mildly crazy/get depressed during their first year as a mom. I think childrearing is a hard, hard job--I think it's the toughest job out there.

It's hard to tell due to the recent recession, but if we are really the richest country in the world (though I always feel like Germany or Sweden must be, seeing how their governments are run and their countries not in gazillion dollars of debt), I think we should be paying moms (or dads) who are taking care of the kids. I think they actually do that in Sweden. But despite the researches that consistently show people in places like Sweden and Norway are the happiest bunch, Americans (esp. those who watch F-- News) tend to think those countries are communists/socialists and/or take too much of your hard earned money, so that'll never happen. I tend to think I'd love to pay more taxes if we had excellent social services (including educational system) as well as an insurance system that actually works, and got paid to take care of your kids. If your country was not horrendously in debt, that would also be a huge bonus. But that's just me.

I guess we just have to pay ourselves for now...

-A

Ponijao (below), who lives in Namibia with her family, is one of four babies
followed from birth to first steps in Thomas Balmès' new film, BABIES.

Photo credit: Focus Features

Theatrical Trailer:

(The last scene is my favorite--beyond awesome.)

(Japanese portion to come later... My computer is broken so it might take a while :P)

P.S. I just found out, though not to the extent of Sweden, in Japan parents are starting to receive government stipend for each child. (Don't quote me, I haven't researched this to verify the amount) I am told you get something like $125 or $150 per child. It doesn't seem like much, but I guess it could add up if you have multiple children. Of course, they are doing this because people are not reproducing enough, and coupled with the population that is living longer than ever, not having enough tax-paying citizens in the near future would be problematic.

Making choices. - 日々の選択。

"It is our choices...that show what we truly are,

far more than our abilities."

- J.K. Rowling

"私達が本当に誰であるかは、能力よりも何よりも、

[どうやって生きるかという]日々の選択によって決まる。"

- J.K. ロウリング

Awesome blue Seattle sky from our window today!

(Sorry Chris & Ruth - but you got to see Seattle in its natural state :P)

今日は抜けるような青い空のシアトルです。うちの窓からの写真＾＾

Sometimes we see someone who is far smarter than we are (and I don't mean "smart" in school), and realize how stupid we've been. Such was the case with me yesterday.

Sure, it's a tough season for those with fibromyalgia -- each time I wake up I feel like someone must have beaten me up in my sleep, and wonder from my painful joints if I've developed arthritis to go along with my other stuff.

Sure, my chronic infections (EBV or mono/HHV6) are still active, and I've had fever each time I moved around. So I've done the bare minimum in terms of stretching and such, saying, "I'm hurting too much, & I have a fever."

But I have the luxury of choice.

I can choose to do my stretching, knowing if I don't stretch enough, my muscle may weaken and hurt more in the future. (Not receiving proper advice, there are people with FMS who become severely disabled this way.)

Others don't have that luxury.

Yesterday, I watched a Japanese TV documentary on NHK about two 14-year olds. One of them, a boy, has congenital muscular dystrophy, and the other one, a girl, has cerebral palsy. Both of them discovered boccia (a.k.a. bocce), a Paralympic sport that can be played from a wheelchair, and practice really hard to compete in the Youth Paralympics.

As I watched the boy stretch his muscles every day with his mother's help, I realized I was really spoiled. "Ouch, ow, ow," he cries, because it really hurts to stretch his rapidly weakening muscles, but he is smiling, and his mom is smiling. They know if they don't go through the painful ritual, the only road is down -- he would eventually be immobilized completely. But they have a goal, and are joyfully, sometimes tearfully, working toward that goal. In the little choice they have, they are choosing to make the best of it.

In my defense, I'm new at this -- I've only been sick for a few years, and they have over a decade of experience on me. But still, I felt stupid, because I am blessed to have all kinds of choices. I have a choice to walk on my own feet, I have a choice to stretch, I have a choice to set various goals and live joyfully.

Yet I hadn't taken advantages of those choices lately.

So I need to remind myself: No matter how sick I might feel, I still have choices. And I need to choose to make the best of each day I live.

-A

Another (not so great, I know) pic from our window -- of a maple tree. Pretty!

（あまり上手く撮れてませんが）これも窓から。きれいなメープルの紅葉！

時に、自分よりずーっと賢い人（学校の勉強とかじゃないよ）が世の中にいるのを見て、自分はつくづくアホだなあ、と気付かされます。私はかなりアホなのでそれは頻繁にあることなのですが、そんなことがまた昨日ありました。

この季節、線維筋痛症の患者が自分に同情するのは簡単なこと。毎朝起きるたびに、「何？！寝てる間に誰かにボコボコにされたの？！」って思うくらい痛いし、リュウマチも併発したか？と思うくらい関節はギシギシ痛い。

それに加えて単核症 (mono/EBV) と HHV6 ウィルスの慢性感染がなかなか良くならないので、ちょっと動くたびに熱が出る。だから甘えて、最近ストレッチとか、最小限しかしてませんでした。「痛い痛い、熱がある」って。

でも気付いたんです、それが選択できるってこと自体贅沢なんだって。

ストレッチするかしないか私は選ぶことができて、しなかったら筋肉が衰えて、次はまたもっと痛くなる・・・かも知れない。（きちんとした治療アドバイスなしにそうしてきて、線維筋痛症で動けなくなって車椅子になる人もいます。）

そんな選択の余地がない人達もいる。

昨日、（再放送かな？）NHKで、ヒューマンドキュメンタリー「ふたりの１４歳～ボッチャ　自立への階段～」という番組を見ました。二組の親子が出てきて、両方お子さんが１４歳。そのうちの一人、男の子は生まれつき筋ジストロフィーを患っており、女の子のほうは脳性マヒなので、二人とも車椅子、介護なしには生活できません。その二人とご家族が、ボッチャという車椅子でもできるスポーツに出会って、懸命に練習してユースパラリンピック出場を目指す様子を追ったものでした。

男の子のほう、高阪大喜くんが毎日お母様に手伝ってもらってストレッチをする様子を見て、「私はなんて甘ったれだったんだろう」と思わずにはいられませんでした。筋ジストロフィーで筋萎縮が起きるスピードは速いですし避けて通れないものです。「いたい、いてててて！」と言ってはいますが、彼とお母さんはこれを毎日これを笑いながらやります。やらないという選択肢はないのです。やらなければ、完全に動けなくなる日がどんどん近づいてきてしまう。でも目標があることもあり、ときどき悔しくて泣くようなことがあっても、トレーニングは喜びに満ちあふれている。選択肢がわずかな中で彼らは、ベストを尽くすことを選んでいるのです。

ちょっと言い訳をするとすれば、私が病気初心者（３年～？）というぐらいか。彼らは若いけれど、病気とともに生きることに関しては１０年以上先輩。見習うことがあるのは当たり前です。それでも、自分はアホだったな～と思いました。私にはほんとうにいろいろな選択肢があるのに、恵まれているのに、ブーたれていたから。自分の足で歩くことも選べるし、ストレッチすることも選べるし、様々な目標を立てて、幸せに生きていくことを選べる。

それなのに、最近は恵まれていることより悪いことのほうにフォーカスして、いろいろな選択ができることに感謝していなかった。(-_-;)

だから自分に言い聞かせなくてはなりません。どんなに具合が悪かろうと、私にはその１日をどうやって生きるか選択肢があるのだと。できるだけ自分に良いことを選んで、１日１日を大事に過ごしたいとと思います。

*おわり* 長いのに読んでくれてありがとう！\(^o^)

-英

おまけ

(Extra)

Only in Seattle...? We found this cute Vespa w/ a coffee cup holder!

いかにもシアトル？可愛いべスパにコーヒー用のカップホルダーが付いているのを発見！

Miracles all around the world. - 世界中で起きてる、奇跡。

みなさん、お元気ですか～？

すっかり秋っぽくなってしまった、シアトル。
時は丑三つ時、外は言うまでもなく真っ暗な中、
時折雨足が強くなる音が聞こえます。

（更新するって言っときながら、なかなか調子の出ない
週が重なって、ごめん、みっちゃん！）

なにか小さなことでも、する度に上がったり下がったり
する体温。　この免疫不全による慢性感染ってのは、
１年前思っていたよりしぶといようです。

慢性の単核症（モノ、EBV）、HHV6ウイルスも、
私の熱と同じで、上がったり下がったりまだ健在（？）。
変に火照って寝汗で眠りにつけない夜が多く、
冷蔵庫で冷やした冷えピタ（ありがとうお母さん！）が
気持ちいい～。

でも、でも、小さな奇跡、そして大きな奇跡は次々と
身の回りで起こっていて、それが私に勇気を与えます。

例えば親友みっちゃんの赤ちゃん！　（大きな奇跡。）
自分に関わりのある子にはひいき目になるとは
言うけれど、ほんとに可愛いと思う！

見てくださいよ、このつぶらな瞳！
そして赤ちゃんのくせに意思の強そうな
眉と口元。　かわいすぎる～。

大きな奇跡の続き：
すくすく育っている姪っ子オリビア。

こちらのほうも、腰がすわっているというか、

人をじーっと見つめる赤ちゃんらしいです。
なんでアメリカの赤ちゃんは毛が少ないんでしょうね～。

今度は、小さな奇跡。　今年は調子が悪かったので夏休み（？）も
ステイケーション、てなことで家に殆どおり、シアトルのダウンタウンにさえ
行ってなかったのですが、だからこそ目撃できたこともあって。

あまりいいカメラがないので見にくいかも知れませんが、
フクシャ（fuchsia）のお花です。

春に近所でハチドリさんを見かけて、育てたら来るかも！
（来なかったけど）と植えたもの。　外に出かける元気が
ない毎日夏のあいだ、お天気の日はバルコニーで
気分はアルフレスコ、とお夕飯を食べるのが日課でした。

とある日、あ、この花もうすぐ咲きそう・・・と思ったとき、
パツン、と音が聞こえたわけではないけれど、そんな感じで
弾けるように、花びらがひとつ、ふたつと開きはじめるのを見たのです。
「見てダニエル！」と叫んで、そのあと５分ほどふたりで、
お花が健気に咲く、まさにその瞬間を目撃したのでした。
みっつ、よっつ、と順番に開いていく花弁・・・そして食事を終える頃、
そのお花は全部開いて私達に微笑んでいたのです。

それはまさに奇跡。　ふたりでその日はニコニコ。
こんな共同体験って、忙しく動き回っていたらきっと、ない。

この２年、いろいろな感情を共有しているけれど、
それは幸運なことだと思います。
普通の生活では気付かないこと、体験できないこと、
いろいろあるから。

雨も落ち着いてきました。　また、寝るのに挑戦して
みようと思います。

－英

How is everyone nowadays?

It totally seems like fall already in Seattle. It's 2:30 AM after a big game (UW) night.
The night outside is dark and quiet; I hear the rain come down harder once in a while. It's very soothing.

This summer has been a bit rough. It seemed, every little thing I did elevated my body temperature at night. This whole immune deficiency and chronic infections business has been trickier to treat than I thought -- a year ago, I was feeling all feisty and ready to beat it in a couple of months. (I'm competitive, so when they say "It takes a while for most people," I hear in my head, "Oh yeah? I bet I can beat it faster!")

The chronic Epstein-Barr (mono) and HHV6 viruses seem to be still well (?) and active in my body. The viruses and my temperatures have their ups and downs like a teenager's emotional drama. (I should maybe make a sitcom out of it.) I become weirdly sweaty and clammy at night; the cool-down patches (they should sell them here! It's a godsend) my mom sends me really come in handy, esp. when I have them chilled in the fridge. It feels so good on my forehead right about now.

But all those physical challenges aside, miracles are happening everywhere! And they provide me with joy and hope that the world is a nice place.

Exhibit A of a big miracle is the first picture above. He's my best friend Michiko's first baby! How adorable is he? I know, I know, they say we all become partial to the kids we are related to or associated with, but he is genuinely positively darling. I love his willful eyebrows and mouth. I can't wait to meet him some day!

Continued exhibit of a big miracle is the second picture of our dear niece Olivia. She's growing leaps and bounds, it seems like, and the way she really stares and observes people is uncanny (or so I hear). Look at those big eyes and pouty lips! I just wish I could touch her plump cheeks.

Next up: A small miracle. There are a lot of those. This year, since I wasn't feeling so hot, we were doing an ever-so-trendy stay-cation at home. I haven't even made it to downtown Seattle. But there are miracles you encounter precisely because you are spending your time slowly.

Our ancient camera's picture is not the best, but the third picture is the proof of our precious memory this summer! This spring I saw a hummingbird fly by, and in a faint hope one might come to our balcony, I started growing a pot of fuchsia. (Turns out there are huge bushels of fuchsia by the mall next door and everywhere in between, so the chances are slim a hummingbird will come to our meager one-pot wonder.)

In an attempt to feel summer-y despite persistently feeling horrid, Daniel and I did a lot of "Al Fresco!" dinners on our balcony. (It basically consists of eating our regular meals on our balcony and watching the sky and the birds and people who go by.)

One day we were having our Al Fresco dinner, and I noticed: One of the fuchsia flower looked like it was about to burst open. I pointed it out to Daniel, and at that moment, a petal went "pop!" (OK, so there wasn't really a sound, but it really felt like it went "pop!") Over the next five minutes or so, we blissfully watched other petals pop open one by one. By the end of the dinner, the flower was in its full glory. It was amazing. I mean, how many people get to witness a beautiful flower pop open, petal by petal, as it happens, with your one and only?

That was a miracle. We couldn't stop smiling that night. Such an experience probably wouldn't have existed if we had been jetting around, taking vacations like busy bees.

Over the past couple of years, we've shared a lot of emotions. Some heavy, some light, some painful, some delightful. I think we are very lucky to have done so. There have been experiences we couldn't have had if we had led "normal" lives, and our relationship is richer for that.

The rain is calming down... Maybe I'll challenge this thing called sleeping again :)

-A

チューリップと、雨。 - Tulips and rain.

今日は久しぶりに、外は雨。

それと足並みを合わせるように体はひどく痛く、これまた久しぶりに、壊れた蛇口のように、泣いた。 それが私を弱くしたかも知れないが、体が痛かったから泣いたのでは、ない。

人の気持ちとは、上手くいかないものだ。

今週は同じように友人の死を悼むお友達と会い、一緒にお買い物をし、気分が明るくなるかと思いチューリップの花束を買って家に生けた。　確かにそれらは綺麗で、家は明るくなったが、気持ちは残念ながら明るくならなかった。

こうしておけば、と思う手をいろいろ打っても、抑え切れない気持ちはあると知った。

でもこれを書いていて涙は止まったし、生きていれば、明日また（雲のむこうにしろ）日は昇り、新しい日がやってくる。　雨が植物の恵みであるように、涙も心にしみて栄養になるのかも知れない。

明日はチューリップを見て笑えますように。

-英

We've had a good run of sunny days, and today it's finally rainy.

Along with the rain outside my body ached terribly, and as if to match the rain, my eyes leaked like a broken faucet. The pain may have buckled my will, but it didn't cause the tears.

Our feelings, as much as we'd like to believe, aren't always controllable.

This week I saw a friend who also mourned our friends' untimely deaths, so we could support one another. We shopped together at Whole Foods, and in their glorious cheerful display, I spotted beautiful tulips. I thought flowers were supposed to cheer us up, so I bought some and arranged them in a vase.

They did brighten the room, but they didn't cheer me up.

We try all sorts of tactics to control our emotions. I learned today that emotions don't work like a neat formula.

But by writing this my tears stopped, and if we're alive, a new day will come in the morning, and the sun will rise again (even if it's behind clouds). The rain will surely nourish plants. Maybe tears, too, will sink into our hearts and nourish us in the end.

I hope I can smile at the tulips tomorrow.

-A

私が自分の髪を好きになった訳。- How I came to like my hair.

「人間の欲って、果てしないものだねぇ」と、昔母がよく、何かと物を欲しがる私に言った。

（今もかわいい靴とか欲しくなると、それを思い出しどきっとする・・・。　笑）

最近、それは本当だなあ、ととみに思う。

人間は欲張りで、ないものねだりだ。　衣、食、住がひととおり揃うと、今持っていないものがなんだか欲しくなってしまう。

それはもっといい車であったり、もっと大きい家であったり。　シワのない顔（そんなのあるのか？！）、欧米の人なら日焼けした肌、アジアの女性ならそれは真っ白な肌であったりする。　（これはバカンスの余裕があるとか、使用人がいて箱入りとかいう階級社会に所以してるのだろうが。。。）

今日、天然パーマでうねうねしている、茶色く細くて量の少ない自分の髪の毛を乾かしながら、そんなことを考えていた。

もともとちりちりふわふわしていたものが年をとってから余計うねうねしてきたのだが、カールとかになるほどでもない。　昔から日本人に多いまっすぐストレートな、黒くて多い髪質が羨ましく、ほとんどの場合まっすぐにブロードライしてきた。

３０代半ばになって最近、やっと自分の髪の毛が好きになってきた。　まっすぐにブローするのに体力がいるので疲れていて出来ないことも多くて、だんだんそのままでもいいか、と思うようになった。　ウエーブつけるのにわざわざパーマかける人もいるくらいだし（そういう風にきれいにはならないのだが）、と開き直ってきた。

自分の髪が好きになってきたのには他の理由もある。

去年、小学校低学年のときとても仲が良かった友人と２０年ぶりくらいに話をし、彼女が１３歳くらいのときから、全身脱毛症に悩まされてきたことを知った。　これも私のセリアック病と同じで、自分の細胞を間違って攻撃してしまう自己免疫疾患の一種らしいのだが、眉毛もまつげもなくなってしまった彼女からしてみたら、毛深いとか髪の毛が薄いとか天パーだとかいう私の悩み（？）は、贅沢なお話なのだ。

そこで、彼女に直接何をしてあげられるということはないが、彼女のような脱毛症やがん患者の少年少女で、自費でかつらを買えない子達に人毛で出来たかつらをプレゼントする団体に、自分の髪を伸ばして寄付しようかな、と考えた。

でもこんな細っちくてうねうねの髪の毛でいいのかな？と、ずっとコンプレックスがあった私は、（彼も元がん患者の）ヘアスタイリストのティムさんに、「私の髪は寄付してもいいような髪かしら？」と聞いてみた。

返ってきたのは、「何言ってんの、あやの髪はいい髪だよ！　カールもすぐ作れるし、そんなにカーリーじゃないから真っ直ぐに伸ばそうと思えばそう出来るし、スタイルし易い、守備範囲の広いいい髪だよ。　君の髪で作ったカツラに当たる子は幸せさー。」と、とてもポジティブなお言葉。　そんな風に考えたことはなく、まっすぐじゃない、カーリーでもない、量がない、と、ないものねだりばかりしていた。　ものは本当に見ようである。

カツラをひとつ作るには何人もの髪の毛が必要なので、他の人のものと混じる訳だが、少ない私の髪でも、伸ばせば誰かの前髪ぐらいにはなれるかも知れない。　と思って、今は成長が遅い髪をなんとか伸ばそうとしている（それにこうして公言しておけば、切りたくなる誘惑にも勝てるかも）。

そんなふうに、物事にはいろいろな側面、見方がある。　例えばうちはアメリカの家にしたら狭いが、その分光熱費は安く、いつもあたたかい。 甲状腺機能低下症で手足がいつも冷たい私にはとてもありがたい。　大きい家に住めば収納スペースが増えていいだろうが、寒そうだし、守るものも経費も増える。　たとえばこの景気で失業して、自分の家でなく安アパートに住む、ということになった場合、前の家が大きくて落差が激しかった場合なんだか寂しくなりそうだが、もともと狭いところに住んでいたら、そんなにショックではないだろう。

なーんて言うと、物欲のない生活、物の少ない生活を奨励しているようだが、自分の生活・性格はそれからかなりかけ離れている（笑）。　そりゃあ物が少ない生活のほうが潔くっていいのだが、自他ともに認めるショップアホリックの自分を変えるのは難しい。　かわいい靴は私のプロザックだから～。

という訳で（どういう訳だか。。。こじつけっぽいなあ）、ちょっとのご褒美／贅沢は、いいと思う。　自分やまわりの人をちょっと幸せにするもの、例えば趣味のもの、本、お花、プレゼント、音楽、おいしい物、友達と飲むお茶。　自分でやれる事、変えられるもの（なにかに関する能力とか）に関しては、貪欲でもいいと思うし。　自分が幸せでないとまわりも幸せにできないから。

なにかをなくすことによって学ぶ幸せもあり、病気になることも決して無駄でもないし損でもない。　まえは当たり前に思っていたこと　-　例えば喉が痛くなく飲み込めることや、体が痛いことなく起き上がれること、座れること、歩けること、走れること。　それらがとても有り難いことなのだと、ここ数年で学んだ。　まえは高いレストランでデザートを食べても、「う～んここのデザートはいまいちね～」（<- 自分が料理下手なくせに生意気・上目線。）とか言ってたのが、乳製品・卵・小麦を食べられないと分かってからは、ココナッツミルクで出来たアイスや、乳化剤の入ってない板チョコを食べられるだけで奇跡のようで、すごーい贅沢をしてる気分。

病気やアレルギーは、いろいろなことでブーブー言ってないものねだりをしていた私への、神様のプレゼントなのかも知れない。

- 英

Growing up, as I frequently wanted a new something, my mother would say: "Ah, humans' greed knows no limits."

(When I desire a new purse or a cute pair of shoes, these words haunt me to this day... lol.)

Lately I've been thinking those words were very true.

We are often greedy and desirous of things we don't already have. Once we have basic food, shelter and clothing, we're always seeking that something extra.

It could be a nicer car or a bigger house. It could be a wrinkle-less face (can such a thing exist?!); if you are pale Caucasians you want "sun-kissed" tanned skin, whereas Asian women want pale skin. (I guess this came about from the long-standing classism, where the rich could vacation in exotic resorts or, in Asia, the rich could have helpers that they didn't need to labor outside.)

Today, as I was drying my thin, brown and wavy hair, I was thinking about such things.

My hair has become more wavy as I got older, but it's not committed enough to be called curly. It's mostly fuzzy and goes in random directions. As I grew up in Japan, I was always envious of the typical Japanese hair type: full, thick, straight and black. There aren't too many curly-haired people there. Most of the time, I blow-dried it straight.

In my mid-30s, I've come to like my hair more. Since I often don't have enough energy to blow-dry my hair, I've kind of let it be on many days (when I'm feeling well enough to shower). I've come to think, "Hey, people pay good money to perm their hair, to make it curly."

There are also other reasons I've come to appreciate my hair.

Last year, I had a chance to talk to a friend from elementary school -- we were close when we were in 2nd grade, and we hadn't talked to each other in decades. I happened to learn that she had struggled with alopecia since age 13. Alopecia universalis (hair loss of whole body) is an autoimmune disease like my celiac disease -- your body attacks your own cells for no known reason. To someone like her -- who lost all her hair including her eyebrows and eyelashes -- my gripes about having thin wavy hair or unwanted body hair are, in short, luxury.

After learning about her condition, I thought about growing and donating my hair to one of those organizations that give real-hair wigs to kids struggling with alopecia or going through chemotherapy.

But I wondered: Is my hair nice enough? I always had a complex about my hair being thin and uncommitted-ly wavy. So I asked my hairstylist, Tim (who happens to be a cancer survivor), "Is my hair nice enough to donate...?"

His answer was an enthusiastic "Yes!" He radiates optimism, and I love him for it. "Of course! You have nice hair. Are you kidding? You can curl it easily if you wanted to, you can blow dry it straight easily if you wanted to. What you have is nice, versatile hair. Whoever gets your hair would be very lucky." I never thought of it that way. I was always wanting things I didn't have: straight hair, curlier hair, or more hair. I had nice hair all along. He made me realize it's all in how you look at something -- in this case my hair.

To make a wig, they need hair from multiple persons. So if donated, my hair will be mixed with others' hair. As such, even my thin hair, when grown, could be somebody's bangs or something :-) After hearing Tim's words, I decided to grow out my "nice" hair. (I'm hoping that by publicly saying this, I wouldn't be tempted to chop it off as I usually am when it goes past my shoulders.)

There are many ways to look at one thing. For instance, our place is small (636 sq. ft.) by American standards, but it's energy efficient -- so the heating cost is low and it's always warm. (This is nice for me, because I'm always cold from hypothyroidism!) We could have a bigger house, and more storage space is nice, but it seems cold in bigger houses, and there would be more expenses and more to keep up/protect. In this economy we could lose a job, and if you have to move to a small apartment instead of your own place, it seems more shocking if the move is from a big house. As it is, such a move doesn't seem that traumatic for us.

When I babble about such things it may seem like I'm promoting a virtuous lifestyle absent of materialism. I wish I could (I do realize less stuff makes life simpler), but as a known shopaholic, I couldn't really change myself that much. Cute shoes are my Prozac!

I don't really have a logic to back it up, but I think a little luxury is a good thing. Little things that makes us, and those around us, a little happier -- like our hobbies, books, flowers, little gifts, good food, or tea/coffee you have with your friends. I also think it's all right to be a little greedy about things you can do or change about yourself (like your ability to do something). Because if you aren't happy yourself, you can't make others happy either.

Sometimes, we learn about happiness by losing something. So it's not exactly a waste or loss to be sick. Things I used to take for granted -- for example, being able to swallow without pain, being able to get up without pain, being able to sit, walk, or run -- I learned those are precious. Before, I would go out to a nice restaurant and critique the dessert chef (kind of obnoxious when you think about it, considering I'm not much of a good cook myself). After learning I couldn't eat dairy, eggs or wheat, eating a scoop of coconut milk ice cream or a dark chocolate bar seems so decadent and awfully luxurious.

Maybe, just maybe, these conditions and allergies were gifts of wisdom from up above, to a girl who was whining about things she didn't have.

- A

More info:
A real-hair wig can cost as much as $1,200 or more.

Locks of Love: A nonprofit organization that provides free hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children in the U.S. and Canada under age 18 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis.

Pantene Beautiful Lengths: A campaign (launched by Pantene & the Entertainment Industry Foundation) that encourages people to grow, cut and donate their hair to create free, real-hair wigs for women who've lost their hair due to cancer.

A happy, healthy, delicious new year! - 明けましておめでとうございます！

A *happy* new year!

I may be able to compete in the "least frequently updated blog" contest, but I haven't forgotten I have a blog! These couple of months have been slightly rough... partially due to the cold weather. (You hear a lot of fibromyalgia sufferers talking about wanting to move to Hawaii around this time of year in Seattle.)

Nonetheless, I'm filled with hopes for the new year. I learned a lot more about myself in the past year, and I can't help but be grateful for all the great things I have in my life.

My ever-so-supportive husband and I still get along famously after two years of marriage, as we both type away on our laptops at the table by our bay window. Both my family and his family have been so loving and supportive, I couldn't have asked for more. We have wonderful friends whom we'd love to see more of any day. Our cats are so loving and sweet it makes me want to cry (OK, maybe I'm a bit woozy from pain medication, but it's true). I'm getting great medical care and am finding out all sorts of new things. And we're becoming an uncle and aunt both in Japan and the U.S.! How cool is that?

Well, enough with my blabbering. What I wanted to say most of all:

I'm wishing YOU, who's reading this blog, a happy, healthy, delicious new year! (The word "delicious" came about because I had one of the most amazing meals last night -- more on this later.)

I love you all.

-A

We can all use a little boost in our life --
y'all have given me a boost! Thank you.

旧年中はみなさんに助けていただきました。
ありがとうございます！

新年あけましておめでとうございます。　m(__)m

「更新される頻度が低いブログ」コンテストがあったら、
けっこういい線いくかも知れませんね。。。
ブログがあることを忘れた訳ではありません！

ここ２ヶ月ほどは、ちょっと参り気味でした。
寒くて湿気の多い季節と線維筋痛症はあまり相性が良くありません。
（この季節になると、「ああハワイに引っ越したいわ〜」という声を
よくクリニックで聞きます。）

それでも新年に向けて、希望でいっぱいです。
去年一年で、それまで知らなかったことを沢山学べたし、
色々な面で恵まれていることに感謝しています。

結婚して早くも２年になりますが、大きな支えとなってくれる
だんな様とはまだ気が合うみたいだし（ふたりして出窓の内側の
テーブルで、ノートパソコンを並べてカタカタやってます）、
自分の家族も彼の家族も、この上なく良くしてくれる。

いつでももっと会いたい、素敵な友人に囲まれている。

愛情深い猫達には、涙ぐまされることも多いです。
（う〜ん、痛み止めを飲んでちょっともろくなってる？
でもほんとです。痛くて寝ていると必ず猫が来て、
隣で心配そうな目でゴロゴロゴロゴロ言うんだもん）

様々な専門の、いいお医者さんに診てもらえて、
新しい発見がいつもある。

そして・・・太平洋の両側で、おじ・おばになれる。
これは楽しみです。

私のことはさておき、一番言いたかったことは・・・

これを読んでいるあなたにとって、新年が幸せで
健康に満ちたものになるよう、心からお祈り申し上げます！

I love you!

- 英

Hope wins! Thank you.

HOPE > FEAR.

What a night. (Pinching myself to make sure it's true.) The next president will undoubtedly have one tough job ahead of him, but we picked the right guy for the job!

Excited crowd at Grant Park in Chicago.

Way to go, America. Thank you, to all those who voted, and worked so hard to get out those votes (like our friend Eve)!

-A

P.S. It's nice to see Colorado turn blue! Thanks to Maine, too, for giving all its 4 electoral votes to Pres. Obama :-)

The Economist Endorses Barack Obama!

"It's time"

Happy Halloween everyone :-)

I just got the new issue of The Economist in the mail, and I couldn't be happier. The Economist, which is one of the most sensible magazines, endorses Barack Obama.

This is significant, because The Economist (while unabashedly pro-free trade) is a naturally skeptical (thus thoughtful) magazine, so it argues both sides of the equation. It freely expresses its doubts for both candidates and points out a better choice. It's also significant because it means the decision makes sense from the econimical, political, and security standpoint, not just from the ideological standpoint.

"America should take a chance and make Barack Obama the next leader of the free world... He has earned it."

Amen.

-A

Aging while being sick (and during an election cycle)

Hello Kitty Pumpkin! Truly awesome.

Happy Halloween Eve! (For those of you I haven't emailed: You must check out The 7 Types of Pet Costumes.)

I’m barely making my once-a-month post… My friend Mick left me a comment on my last post (which had to do with the fall festival): “Please post a new page before a 'snow festival' starts.”

Ha ha, very funny. Hey, at least it’s not time for the cherry blossom festival yet! So would you forgive me?

A couple of days ago, I found my second piece of gray hair. For the first one, which I think I found a few months back, I had this visceral reaction to pluck it, although they say you shouldn’t do that. I realize a lot of folks get gray at a younger age, so I shouldn’t gripe about it, but it was so shiny and silver among my brown/black hair it shocked me a little bit. Yes, I plucked it again. I blame this one on the election season.

(You know you’re being too obsessive when you’re incessantly checking Google News & cnn.com & politico.com & FiveThirtyEight.com on top of your regular NPR programming, and you’ve read one too many article on slate.com and The New Yorker magazine. I usually don't mind my limited exposure to The New Yorker to be at my Bostonian therapist’s office -- although their endorsement for Obama presidency was one of the most eloquent prior to Gen. Colin Powell's, which also referenced a beautiful, haunting picture in the magazine. The “election season” has gone on for waaaay too long, and the suspense is killing me. I'm bad at sitting still... as I'm too sick to volunteer, I’d like to go into a cryogenic freeze chamber and come out Wednesday morning.)

I always hoped to age gracefully. We live in a culture that’s obsessed with youth, but I always believed with age came wisdom, and along that reasoning, that aging must be a good thing.

Except I don’t feel particularly wiser, than, say, when I started becoming sick about two years ago. For that matter, I don’t feel particularly older, either. Having been sick and spending much of my time in bed and various clinics has felt a little bit like having been in a glass box -- like the one depicted by mimes. I’m in there, and my life is paused, while I watch everyone else outside, living their lives and moving. Friends have had babies, loved ones passed on, and here I am, kind of in the same place, in the same old glass box.

Behold: squirrel mime.

Of course I’m probably feeling like this because I’m writing this with my left hand while getting my nth (who can keep the count?) anti-viral IV, which I’ve been getting weekly. Since this summer my lovely & chronic Epstein-Barr viral infection (a.k.a. mono) seems to have flared up, with accompanying tonsillitis to boot. I don’t know if my Vancouver jaunt was premature, or if it was the combination of that with other summer activities, but according to the key witness (a.k.a. husband), “It was a steady downward spiral for a while there,” a bit like Sarah Palin’s approval rating.

Fortunately, not my throat...
The Wiki picture of tonsillitis. Yikes!
My white spots are much smaller now, thank you.

My white blood cell count is now in the low end of acceptable range, but not high enough to fight off my infections, and my natural killer cell count is… well, let’s just say they apparently barely exist.

I also got my most recent mercury test result back, and the news is mixed. It’s gone down a little bit from before (yay), yet it’s still twice as high as the upper limit of normal range (boo). And I have high levels of lead and tin (why?!). Having been a good student most of my life, getting back bad test results feels like failure, like I’m not a good patient or something.

I know I shouldn’t feel that way. Although I still get low fever every time I move around a little bit, I’m definitely doing a little better than I was in September. I can drive myself to my appointments instead of taking a cab. So who knows, maybe soon, my glass box can turn into a mosquito net, from which I can step out.

In the meantime, I need to gain back some weight. (I used to have a roommate in high school who weighed something like 95 pounds at 5'7", and she was always complaining she couldn’t find clothes that fit. I was a little chubby back then and I thought she was a bitch for complaining about such things -- 20 years later, I feel her pain. Hey, maybe I am becoming wiser. This illness is teaching me empathy!) If you’re in the area and want to go grab some prime rib shabu shabu or BBQ ribs (sorry, my vegetarian friends! Sometimes a girl needs pure fat before winter), give me a holler. If you’re not in the area but want to help boost my natural killer cell count, go vote for Barack Obama (just kidding… well, not really).


Obama '08 - Vote For Hope from MC Yogi on Vimeo.

-A

（まだこれを日本語にする元気はナイ・・・
すみません m(__)m ）

A charmed life? Maybe. -- 幸運は自分で呼び込むもの。

Am I lucky? Yes!

I just got a free bang trim from my always cheerful and extremely professional hairstylist, Tim. He is one of the people who inspire me to think I, too, can take care of myself, get better and do the things I'm meant to do. (Thank you Tim!)

Tim is a cancer survivor.

His cancer was bad. It spread to other parts of his body, and both he and his brother (apparently their liver problems were hereditary) continue to have various issues. But you wouldn't know it from looking at him. I only happen to know the health woes he's been through, because he shared them with me when I talked to him about my health problems.

In my opinion he doesn't look a day older than 50 (his outfits from H&M certainly help), but in fact he is closer to my parents' age. This doesn't surprise me, knowing how hard I know he works to take care of himself to keep the cancer at bay. Looking forward to continually educate himself at the Sassoon Academy in London only helps his determination to stay well.

Other people may look at him and think he's "lucky" for having his own salon, being his own boss, doing what he loves to do and hopping over to London every year. I also happen to know the road wasn't a simple one. He was a math major who worked in another field until about age 40; to get to where he is today, he had to work some not-so-dignified jobs until he established himself as a hair artist. It must have been quite interesting to have graduated from college (I forget if he has a postgraduate degree, too -- I feel like he does), have had a career and then go to cosmetology school with 18-year olds. That didn't faze him, possibly because he might have felt like he had little time to live.

***************************************************

When I talk to other Japanese people, they often say, "It must have been nice to have come here so young," complementing my English, as if I had it easy. These folks didn't see me staying up until 6:30 am on the cold, hard dorm hallway floor (the heat in my dorm room was broken and it was warmer outside!), day after day, with a dictionary in my hand, when other people were having fun in high school. When people say, "How lucky! You hardly have any accent," they don't know I practiced moving my mouth hundreds, if not thousands of times, in that same dorm room, so I wouldn't sound as silly the next day.

Apparently that paid off, because now I'm often mistaken for a Japanese-American. (Or at the very least people are confused as to where I'm from -- which wasn't really my objective -- I just didn't want my accent to get in the way of communicating.) I continue to feel inadequate, though. I still practice moving my mouth, listening to NPR in the car, sometimes trying to imitate the announcers. I might look like a crazy lady talking to herself. (Maybe if I had directed these efforts to other things, I might have made something out of myself by now. :P)

****************************************************

I think similar things happen to my husband, when people say he is "lucky" to be so artistic, or when they think his game ideas just pop into his head, all formed and ready to go. He's good at drawing, partly because he loved it, and mostly because he kept doodling and doodling and doodling AND doodling what visions he had in his head.

The same goes for game design. Young people may look at him all starry-eyed and think he's had this glorious career, but much of the time he had to do something else, but continued thinking about game design, scribbling about it, breathing the stuff, even thinking in his sleep. It's not rare to find him suddenly waking up and starting to write. (It can be startling if you're the one sleeping next to him.) "I read your stuff in school!" People might say. What they don't know is that he wrote that essay maybe twenty times (if not more), in his head, in his notebook, on his computer, then his head, his notebook, and back to his computer. Like a chunk of clay he keeps molding.

I do feel blessed to be surrounded by such diligent people. So, after all, I am lucky in that sense.

-A

いつも上機嫌でプロの顔を崩さない、
美容師のティムさんに今日はサービスで前髪を
切ってもらいました。　

彼のような人を見ると、
「うん、がんばってきっと良くなって、自分の
したいことがまたできるようになる！」と思える
勇気が出てきます。　（ありがとうございます！）

ティムさんは癌を克服した人です。

彼の癌はかなり重いもので、あちこちに
転移もしました。　遺伝的な要素があったようで、
彼とその弟さんは癌に打ち勝ったあとも
いろいろ肝臓の問題が絶えません。

でも、彼を見てもそんなことは全然分からない。
私がいろいろ病気の話をしたもので、
ポツン、ポツンと教えてくれるようになりました。

実際には私の両親と近い歳なのだけれど、
５０歳くらいにしか見えません。
でも癌が戻らないよう、どんなに健康に
気をつけているか知っているから、
もう私は驚かないけれど。
自分の技術を高めるため、毎年ロンドンの
サスーンアカデミーに行くことを楽しみに
しているのもモチベーションになっているのでしょう。

知らない人は彼を見て、「幸運」なひとだなぁ、と
思うかも知れません。　自分のサロンを持って、
ボスは自分で、ロンドンに毎年行って・・・。
一見華やかな生活のようですもんね。

でもここまでの道のりはシンプルなものでは
ありませんでした。　彼は実は数学者だったのが、
４０歳くらいになってヘアデザインをもっと
やっていきたいと思いついたそうです。
確か大学院も出ているはず。　その後、
１８歳くらいの若者に囲まれて美容学校に行くのは
かなり興味深い経験だったでしょうね。

でもそんなことに彼はめげなかった。
あんまりあと生きる時間がない、とも
思っていたのかも知れません。

*****************************************

日本人のかたとお話するときよく私は、
「あ～、そんなに若い頃からいらっしゃるんなら、
いいわねぇ～。」みたいなコメントを良く聞きます。
私の英語をお褒めいただいてのことですが、
若い頃からいるならすんなり簡単だっただろうと。

他の人が高校生活をエンジョイしている時に、
毎晩夜が明けるまで、冷たくかたーい寮の廊下で
（部屋の暖房が壊れてたので廊下のほうが
あったかかった）、辞書を片手に必死に勉強した
・・・なんてことは言いませんが、こういうとき。

「アクセントも殆どなくってほんとラッキーね！」
みたいなことも良く言われます。
同じ寮の部屋の中で、次の日にはもうちょっと
アホに聞こえないように、何百回（何千回？）と
口を動かして練習したんですけど。

まあその成果はあったようで、今では初対面の
人は、大抵私がいったいどこ出身なのか「？？？」と
なるようです。　日系？　ハワイ？　でもちょっと違うし、
みたいな。　そういう混乱を呼ぶために練習したんじゃ
ないんだけど。。。　単にコミュニケーションの壁を
とりはらいたかっただけで。　（＾＿＾）ゞ ポリポリ　

まだまだだなあ、と思うのは変わらないので、
今でも口を動かす練習はします。 NPR 聞きながら、
アナウンサーの言ったことを車の中で繰り返してみたり、
はたから見ればアホです。
（こうした努力を他のことに向けていれば、
もうちょっと何か達成出来てたかもね・・・。） (_ _;)

*****************************************

旦那のダニエルも似たような経験があるようです。
「絵が上手でいいわね～、ラッキーね」みたいな。

でもそれって、描くのが好きって要素はあったにしろ、
頭の中に浮かんだものを何度も何度も何度も何度も
いたずら描きして、描いて描いて描いて描いたから。

ゲームデザインにしろ、最初からアイデアが
ちゃんとまとまって出てくる訳でもないし。

彼のブログを読む今時の若者からすると、
なんかすごいいいアイデアがぼん！と
頭に浮かんで、いつも面白い仕事をしている
ような印象みたいですが、今まで殆どは
別の地味な仕事だったし。　でもその間も、
考えて考えて、アイデアをいつもノートに
書き留めたり、眠っている間まで考えてた。
（ガバッと突然起き出して物書きをしだすので、
隣で寝てるほうはぎょっとします。。。）

「ゲームデザインの学校であなたの書いた
理論を読んだんです」と目をキラキラさせて
言う若者は、そのペーパーが少なくとも
２０回は書き直されたものであることを
知らない。　今でこそ書いて少しお金が
もらえることもあるけれど、それがなくても、
頭の中、ノート、PC、そしてまた頭の中、
ノート、PC、と、いろんなことを何度も何度も
書き直してます。　粘土の塊を何度も
こねくりまわしてるみたい。

ラッキーと言うなら、（自分の主人のことで
手前味噌ですが）こうした努力家に囲まれてる
私は、そこがラッキーかも！　ｏ(^_^ )ｏ♪

-英

Wish upon the stars! -- 星に願いを。

↑ Our first personal Tanabata tree!

Tonight (the 7th night of the 7th month) is Tanabata, the Japanese star festival, which is originally from China. The Japanese variation of the story goes, Orihime (Vega), the Weaving Princess, only gets to meet her loved one, Hikoboshi (Altair), the cowherd, once a year across the Milky Way (Amanogawa -- literally sky river) on this night, because her father the Sky King was mad at them for not doing any work after they got married. They were apparently so madly in love they got nothing accomplished. :D (It's interesting, because the Chinese story is much more intricate, but the Japanese take on it got simplified and became a fable about not working.)

The gist of it is that you get to piggyback on their wish being granted on this night: you get to make your wishes on a bamboo Tanabata tree.

I'd been eyeing the bush of little bamboo trees that cropped up in the parking lot of a dry cleaner down the street -- two years ago they were tiny weeds, and now many of them are taller than us. It's not a part of their intended landscaping, so most likely they'd be whacked at some point if they get in the way of business. So the Operation Tanabata Tree was hatched. (Namely, we just walked down a block with a little handsaw and scored ourselves a perfect bamboo bit.)

The best part of this festival is that it requires very little capital (well, if you live in a place where bamboos grow freely) and you get to dream. All you need is a little bamboo bush, a few pieces of origami paper to make celestial-themed ornaments, and voila! You get to make your wishes. Daniel at first felt greedy to make wishes about ourselves, but once he figured out we can make wishes about others, too, he quickly took to the idea. Lots of our wishes are about our family and friends.

Now Daniel wants to do this for Christmas, too. He likes the idea that it involves no material expectations. I'm not so sure if it works for Santa, but we could try it. For now, since it's originally intended for July 7th of the lunar calendar, maybe we'll keep it around for another month. I'm grateful I can see my loved one more than once a year, and that he's rather enthusiastic to go along with my silly antics.

-A

今宵は七夕。
織姫と彦星が天の川を渡って会える日。

（調べてみたら、もともとの中国のお話は
もうちょっと複雑なんですね。
日本版はなんだか短縮されて、
「働かないと旦那様にも会えないんだぞ！」と
いう教訓になってるのは興味深い。）

日本みたいにあちこちに飾りがある訳では
ないので、２～３日前に思い出したのだけど。

それで思いついたのは、
家からちょっと歩いたところにある、
無意味に広いドライクリーニング屋さんの
駐車場の一角に生えている笹の一群。

２年ほど前、越してきたばかりのときは
近所から飛び火して隅に生えてきた
小さな雑草（？）の始まりだったのが、
健やかに育って、背丈より大きいものも
今はいっぱい。　邪魔になったら
切られちゃうんだろうな～、と
通るたびに思っていたので・・・

七夕大作戦！って、
小さいノコギリを持っていって
適当なところを切ってきただけだけど。

クリスマスと違って、（笹が生えてればだけど）
このお祭りはお金がかからなくていいですね。
笹に、折り紙を何枚か、それでお飾りと短冊を
作ればいいんですもん。

ダニエルは最初、「う～ん、自分のことを
お願いするのは欲張りなようだ」と躊躇していましたが、
他の人のこともお願いしていいんだよ、と聞いて、
調子に乗ってきました。　家族の健康とか、
お友達の幸せとか。

すっかりこの行事が気に入ってしまった彼は、
今度はクリスマスもこれをしよう、と
のたまわっています。　笹は木より早く育つし、
物欲が関わってないところがミソみたい。
サンタさんは、笹にお願いを書かれても
ちょっと不可解なのでは・・・と思いますが、
やってみてもいいけど～。　笑

もともとは旧暦のお祭りなので、
もう一月くらい飾っていようかな～。
「笹を切りに行こう！」とかいう唐突な
アイデアに、ワクワクして乗ってくれる
旦那様に一年に一回以上会える私は
幸せものです。

-英

Small pleasures in life. - ささやかな幸せのカタチ。

Summer has arrived in Seattle!

It's always such a wondrous time here. One minute it's cold and damp, and the next minute, boom, it seems as though it's always been warm and sunny and gorgeous with flowers blossoming everywhere.

Of course it was approaching in small increments, in that plants have been working hard by absorbing all that rain. It just seems sudden because the temperature jumps from 50s to 70s.

It's my "slow day" today. Whenever I see people they exclaim, "...but you look so... well!" They're often surprised to hear I'm getting weekly IVs (without them I'm pretty much useless). What they don't realize is that for every consciously "on" day (albeit a few hours of social time), I pay for it with "slow" or "off" day(s) afterwards. If my speed other people see were 5 mph, the next day I'd usually slow down to about 1 mph. If I go at 5 mph (let's say that's the "normal person speed") for two days in a row, I have multiple slow days or days on which I can barely move. I become a slug and my carriage (i.e. my GTI) turns into a pumpkin.

I sometimes feel bad that Daniel is usually the one who sees and deals with me on my slug days. However! Not being able to plan big things (like going out or seeing movies) results in small pleasures, and makes us realize we really don't need much to feel happy.

Today we went to Whole Foods after my massage appointment, and took a picnic out to the nearby park. Little and big flowers were blossoming everywhere, in neighbors' gardens and at the park. We stopped and observed busy bees weaving in and out of vibrant-colored blooms.　Some purple, some orange, some pink, some yellow... so pretty! Then we noted that we both really liked one of the trees we saw at the park, because it had a big, fat trunk and lines reminiscent of a person.

I became cold in this amazing weather (I have a hard time regulating body temp when it's my off day -- the edges of my lips were apparently becoming blue), so we stopped and had a cup of tea outside a local food shop/cafe. Watched some more bees and crows and saw an adorable pug refusing to walk further. He was insisting he stop and stay stretched right next to the water bowl outside the store. I love how stores and cafes around here always have water bowls for dogs.

I was once again completely dead by the time I got home, so now I'm icing my legs, but before that, we also saw tiny cherries and apples on someone's trees. Summer in Seattle is so plentiful and delightful.

Come to think of it, the fact I could go to a grocery store, then walk to the park afterwards on my off day is amazing. That's a vast improvement from last year.

I was thankful for my off day, because it prohibited us to plan anything ambitious, and we got to re-explore the neighborhood together. Noticing pretty flowers with your loved one, I think, is so much better (and cheaper) than drinking a $100 bottle of wine alone.

Thank you, Daniel, for sharing my slug day. :-)

-A

シアトルに夏が来た！

ここの夏はいつも驚くほどゴージャスです。
ずうっと寒いかと思うと、突然！夏がやって来て、
いつもこうであったかのような錯覚におそわれる。
どこもかしこもお花がいっぱい、いつも晴れていて。

まあ冷静に考えてみれば、植物さんたちにしたら、
ヨッコラヨッコラと、懸命に雨と栄養を吸収して
ゆっくりとここにこぎつけた訳なんですけど。
突如１０度台の気温から２５度とかになるんだもの。

今日は動ける速度が遅い「スローデー」でした。
（カタツムリデーとも言う。）

いつも人に会うと、「見た目元気そうですよね〜」と
言われるのだけれど、それって一生懸命意識してるからで。
毎週点滴してるっていうのも意外みたいですね、
それがないとほとんどカタツムリデーになっちゃうんだけど。

他の人が見ないのは、人前での時速が５マイルだとしたら、
１日数時間でも人とお出かけしてスイッチオンする分、
その次の日は時速１マイルくらいになっちゃうところ。
２日続けて時速５マイルで活動したら、代償として
何日も時速半マイルとか、動けない日々になります。
自分はカタツムリと化し、私の馬車（つまり愛車）は
カボチャと化すのだ〜。

私がカタツムリになるときいつも側にいる
ダニエルには悪いな〜と思います。

でも！　そうだからこそ、いろいろ出かけられない
状態ならそれはそれで、小さな喜びが見いだせるので、
今日はそれもいいかなと思いました。
（私達ってけっこう単純なので、そんなでかい
喜びはあんまり必要ないかも。）

今日はマッサージのあとホールフーズ（ナチュラル系の
スーパー）に行って、買ったお昼を持ってそばの公園に
ピクニック（って単に座って食べるだけ）しに行きました。　

近所のお庭と公園では大小のお花があちこちで
咲き乱れていて、その中を蜂さん達が飛び交うのを
観察したり、この色綺麗、とお花をじーっと見てみたり。
紫、オレンジ、ピンク、黄色・・・自然の色ってすごい！
そしてあの木の幹、太っててなんだか人間みたいだね、
あーあの木来た時から私も気になってたんだー、と
他愛のない会話をしてみたり。

このあったかくなった天気に関わらず、こんな風に
体がオフの日には、体温調節がうまくいきません。
（ジャケットを２枚着ても口のまわりが青くなって
きたらしい。）　そこで車に歩いて帰る途中にまた
ひと休み。　小さい食料品店兼カフェの外の
テーブルでお茶を飲んであったまりました。

ここでまたまわりのお花と蜂と、カラスを観察。
散歩中に暑くなって、「もう歩けまへん！」と
店の外に置いてある水のボウルの横から動こうと
しない可愛いパグ犬も見ました。
シアトル近辺のお店やカフェって、犬用にあちこち
水のボウルが置いてあるところが多い。　
その辺の心のゆとり、好きだなあ。

家に帰ってきた時点でふたたび動けなくなって
しまいましたが。。。　痛い足を冷やしつつこれを
書いています。　でも車に着く前に見た、誰かの
庭になっていたサクランボと小さなリンゴも
微笑ましかった。　シアトルの夏って、ほんとに
豊かで嬉しい夏です。

考えてみると、カタツムリデーにスーパーに行けて、
そのあと公園に行けるなんて、すごい進歩かも。
去年から比べると、良くなってるんだぁ〜。

こうしたスイッチオフしてる日に、感謝、です。
だから大した予定も立てなかったし、二人で
一緒にまた近所をちょっとでも散策できたから。

好きな人や家族と一緒にきれいなお花を
愛でられることって、ひとりで一本１００ドルの
ワインを飲むとかよりよほどいい（し安い！）と
思うのは、私だけでしょうか。

ダニエル、カタツムリデーを一緒に過ごしてくれて
ありがとー。＾＾

-英