Showing posts with label 運動. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 運動. Show all posts

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Surviving fall in Seattle - シアトルの秋

Weather: Stormy weath-er♪(sing it for me in Billie Holiday voice!) - a bit of rain, a bit of wind; 53°F
Energy Level: 3 out of 10
Mood: 4/10
Health: 3/10 (ow)

Maple tree at Seattle's Washington Park Arboretum.
Did you know they had North America's largest collection of Maple?

シアトルのワシントン・パーク植物園のかえでの木。
北米で、一番種類が多いかえでのコレクションを誇る植物園です。


I have been writing a lot, just not on this blog. Sorry. I enrolled in an English writing course (again), which is supposedly teaching me rhetorical strategies. It is making me realize I need a lot of work.

Writing a lot (on computer mostly) has really killed my hands and forearms... And fall in Seattle seems to be a tough season for those of us FMS (fibromyalgia)/CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) sufferers anyway. Like arthritis, this cold, damp weather tends to heighten the pain level and makes us more tired, judging from myself and others I've talked to.

As for the IgG shots: I've done 4 of them, and while it's hard to notice any difference yet, I might be doing better, seeing that I'm dreaming of things like lifting weights, so I can get muscle tone back :-)

A friend with FMS (Wynell, you're so helpful) said the 30-minute circuit training regimen at Curves gym really helped her energy level, so I'm going to tour there next week. My ever-so-helpful nutritionist said (he himself has had bouts of CFS) not to be too ambitious and lift much weight; consistency is more important than being macho. He recommended that I lift as little weight as possible, so I don't become super-duper sore and be discouraged. I think that's a good advice. The goal here is not to get buff, but rather, to maintain muscle tone enough to support my body effectively.

So the shots kick my butt for about 3-4 days of the week, and dealing with schoolwork/trying to catch up with life the other half of the week.

Even in rain, though, the leaves are pretty and I'm enjoying the abundance of maple trees in the area. As I rest, a cat or two is always by my side. I try to enjoy what I can from day to day (today it's a honey ginger --no milk!-- bubble tea Daniel brought home for me, and Asian pears! Thank you Daniel). Life is good. :-)

-A

P.S. Wondering if Ruth had her baby yet!

天候: 嵐っぽい雨と風。「ストーミィ・ウエ・ザァ〜 ♪」と、
ビリー・ホリデイを聴きたくなります。 
11°C
元気度(勢い): 3/10
気分: 4/10
体調: 3/10 (いてての、て〜)

英作文のクラスをまたとり始めたので、沢山物書きをしては
いたのですが、ブログがおろそかになってしまいました。
悪しからず〜。 修辞法を勉強しているのですが、
ほんとに勉強不足で、何回も何回もいろいろ書き直しています。

物を書くのは(ほとんどコンピューター)、手のいろいろな筋や
腕にひびきます。それでなくとも、FMS(線維筋痛症)また
CFS(慢性疲労症候群)を患う人には、シアトルの秋はきついみたい。
まわりに聞くとだいたいみんな、冷たい、じめじめした天候になると
痛み、疲れの度合いが増えるとのこと。 私もしかり。

ヒト坑グロブリンの注射は、4回してみましたが、まだちょっと
効き目が出ているのか分かりません。 でも、筋力が落ちないよう
ジムに行き始めようかな、とか考えるようになったところを見ると、
気力が出て来ているのかも (^_^)

FMS持ちのポジなお友達のウィネルさんが、カーブスという
女性専門のジムに行き始めて、一回30分のサーキット・トレーニングが
筋力を維持するのにずいぶん助けになっている、と話していたので、
来週見学しに行く予定です。

と、言ったら、とても親切な私の栄養士さんが(彼もCFSで苦しんだ
ことがあるので)、「病気だった分取り戻そうと思って、昔通り
じゃんじゃんウェートトレーニングしたら駄目だよ〜、
すごく痛くなって、気がくじけて今度行かなくなるから。
すごーく軽いウェートで始めて、頻繁に行くことの方が大事!」
と助言してくれました。いいアドバイスだわ〜。

ムキムキになるのが目的じゃないもんね。
体がフニャフニャにならないよう、維持するために行くんだから。

てな訳で(どんな訳じゃ)、週の3〜4日は注射のせいで
ホニャラ〜、いてててっと死んでいて、あとの残りはクラスに行って、
死んでた分をなんとか取り戻そうと(洗い物とかがたまる)、
暮らしています。 取り戻せるほどはエネルギーがないんだけど。

でも雨の中、いろいろな種類のかえでが紅葉する様を楽しんでいます。
休んでいると、猫が1匹か2匹はゴロゴロそばにいてくれるし、
悪い生活ではないですね。 1日1日、できることを楽しもう、と
思います。 (今日は、ダニエルが買って来てくれたミルク抜き
ハニージンジャー
タピオカティーと日本の梨! 
これってできることと言うより、食べられること? ありがとうね〜)

-英

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Gettin' used to feeling chunky - 自分のずんぐりした姿に慣れること。

Weather: Cloudy; 62°F - but in the 70s during the day
Energy Level: 3.5 out of 10
Mood: Still yo-yo'ing
Health: Better than the last time I wrote, but tired from the weekend

↑ Tiffany & Andy's deck -
right in the smack middle of Genesee Park,
where SeaFair was! Blue Angels were coming
right at us. No kidding. Really.

Maybe I'm being vain, but I can't help being a girl. I totally feel chunky.

Let me back up a little. This past weekend was great fun, because Chris and Ian, our friends from Colorado (although Chris lives in Burbank, CA now) were visiting to attend a friend's wedding here in Seattle. Ruth, Chris's lovely wife, was supposed to be here too, but a glitch in her pregnancy prevented her from coming :-( She's feeling OK, but please send some good energy in the direction of Southern California!

So among other things, we got to visit with the familiar faces from Colorado. We hadn't seen Tiffany and Andy (who also moved to Seattle) forever, at least not since they bought their house, and we got to do a brunch at their place. I was happy because I was dying to get something for their housewarming. Among other little things, I found a "Foot in the Door" door stopper, which you can see a bit of in the picture.

It was great to socialize and soak up some sun. I realized I must be more extroverted than I previously thought - having (good) people around really cheered me up.
I realized, even if I wasn't feeling completely up to it physically (hence the mountain of pillows I brought to alleviate pain), I should go ahead and try to socialize.

Being a good, responsible man that he is, Chris already sent us the online picture album of his trip to Seattle, which included the picture above among others.

I really enjoyed the pictures, so I really don't want Chris to feel bad about sending them around. But I must admit, it was kind of hard to see myself kind of out of it, sickly, and chunky.

I've had a sneaky suspicion that I was getting a little heavier, because my jeans have been tighter. (We don't own a scale.) I've been having thyroid dysfunction which makes me retain more water, but I don't think that's the main issue. It's the low activity level with the same amount of appetite (which I seem to have no problem with - even when I'm sick I can eat).

This realization was also aided by the fact that I ordered a sweater dress in size XS in the mail (since I was too dizzy to go shopping), tried it on, and had to take it off right away when I realized I no longer fit comfortably in extra small.

Some of you reading this in the U.S. (where I believe the average size is 10-12) might say "What's the big deal?! You went from a size 2 to a 4," but I must tell you, I don't have the height or big enough bone structure to support the extra weight. What might look like 5 pounds on you would look like 10 or 15 on me. Coming from a land of tiny women, stepping into the present day American size 4 (which is apparently about 2 or 3 sizes bigger than the size 4 in the 50s/60s, BTW) means I became a Japanese size L from M.

I've never been one of those people with great metabolism to begin with, so I've always had to work pretty hard to maintain the feel-good weight. (Also I became really heavy when I first came to an American high school as an exchange student, so I had to really work off the weight.) It works when I'm able do that. Right now, I can't. I've been walking/biking at least 3-4 times a week since I joined the FMS Research Program, but that's apparently not enough, considering my metabolism has slowed down and I'm sedentary the rest of the time. I've been itching to go running, but if I did, that would put me out of commission for days, which would negate the whole point of running.

I also have a very (brutally) honest husband who can't lie, which is usually a good thing. Upon being asked, "I've become a little chunky, huh," his response was at first silent, then, "...you haven't been able to be as active, so..." He then hastily added, "You are still beautiful to me and that's what's important! And you need to feel healthy first!"

(Even if it were a white lie, if he had said something like "Not at all! You're probably bloated!" I probably could have slept more.)

...I appreciate his nice(?) thought, and yes, it's true, I need to feel healthy first. I feel like I am getting better little by little, so that is probably possible. Yet, late at night (especially after a setback), sometimes I lay awake and wonder: "What if this is as good as it gets?" (It's like that movie.)

And such nights make me want to eat my gluten-, dairy-, and egg-free chocolate cookies. (Yes, such a thing exists, available for purchase. Who knew?) Aggghhh. But since I'm making my thoughts (semi) public, I won't this time. Maybe this is the benefit of a blog :D

-A

P.S. I broke down and ate some rice crackers. Hey, at least they seem less fatty. :P

天候:  曇り。 17°C (日中はもっとあったかいです。)
元気度: 3.5/10
気分: まだちょっと、行ったり来たり
体調: 疲れてるけどすぐ前のポストよりずっとまし。


↑ R2-D2の郵便ポスト!
Awesome R2-D2 mailbox, n'est-ce pas?

自意識過剰と思われるかも知れませんが、女心と笑ってください。
ぽっちゃりしてきたのが気になってしょうがありません。

ちょっと時間を遡って補足すると・・・。

コロラドのお友達が何人か、結婚式に出席するため訪ねて来ていたので、
先週末は非常に楽しい週末でした。

いくつか一緒に行動できた中で特に嬉しかったのは、
他のコロラドから越してきたお友達にも何人か会えたこと。

シアトルで毎年ある、
ボートレースや航空ショーを含めたお祭り騒ぎ、
シーフェアーの会場になる公園のまん前に住んでいる
ティファニーとアンディの家に行って、みんなでブランチをしました。

少し日に当たって、お友達に会うのはいいことだと実感しました。
ちょっと疲れて体中痛かったので枕やクッションを一杯持参したのですが、
それでも、人に接するのは気分が盛り上がっていいもんだ、と
思いました。 自分ではどちらかというと内向的な性格かと
考えていたのですが、思ったより実は外交的なのかも知れません。

写真を撮ったクリスはとっても頼りになる実直な人なので、
例にもれず、帰って1日しか経たないのにもう写真をオンラインアルバムで
送ってくれました。

写真をいろいろ見るのは楽しかったのですが、
いやはや、ぽーっとして具合が悪そうな、ぽっちゃりした自分を見るのは
つらいものですねー。

ジーンズがちょっときつかったりしたので、前々からちょっと太ったかなー、と
思ってはいたのですが・・・。 (体重計は持たない主義)

甲状腺機能が低下(と言うんだろうか)しているとかで、多分むくみます、とは
言われていたのですが、そういう次元の問題ではなく太ったと思います。
運動不足と、変わらない食欲が原因でしょう。
(具合が悪くてもお腹は減るんですよねー、これが。)

めまいがしてショッピングに行けなかったので、
メールオーダーで頼んだニットワンピースがちょうど今日届いたのも
災いしました。 XS を頼んだのですが、着てみてぎょっとしたので
すぐに脱がざるを得ませんでした。

(日本で読んでいる方、ご存知でしょうがアメリカのサイズは
ばかでかいので、S の域に入ると日本では
L だと思います。)

昔から新陳代謝が良い体質ではないので、それなりの体重を維持するのに
かなり努力してきました。 (それにアメリカに高校のとき留学して来た際、
どーんと太ってしまったので、それを必死に落とさなければいけませんでした。)

その努力、運動が出来ればいいのですが。
いまの状態では、はっきり言って出来ません。

線維筋痛症の治療法研究グループに参加して以来、
週に3~4回は痛くても30分以上歩いたり自転車に乗ろうと努力して
いますが、その他の時間はおとなしくしているので、どうしても
足りないのでしょう。 新陳代謝は余計悪くなっているし。
走りに行きたくてここのところむずむずしているのですが、
行ったらきっと3~4日はダウンしてしまいそうです。
そうすると元も個もないし。

幸か不幸か、私の主人は全く嘘のつけない性質です。
(普段はそれがいいんだけど、悪く言えば融通が利かない。)
「私、やっぱり最近太ったよね」と聞くと、「・・・」と返事がすぐ返って来ません。
そして、「・・・あんまり今活動的な生活が出来ないから、しょうがないよ。」と
言うのです。 (漫画だったら、ここで涙がダーッと出るところ。
「そんなことはないよ、君は充分魅力的さっ」とか言ってくれれば
眠れたものをー。) その後に慌てて、「それでも君は僕にとっては
美しいから! 健康になるのが第一だし!」と。

うーん、慰めてくれてるんだか落ち込ませようとしてるんだか。
(前者だとは思うけど。) そうね、回復するのが第一よね、とは
思いますです、ハイ。 でも、こんな眠れないとき(特に調子を崩してるとき)、
目が冴えながら、「これ以上良くならなかったら~?」と悩んでしまうのです。
(元気なときと同じ量食べなきゃいいのか。)

そしてこんな夜、グルテンフリー、乳抜き、卵抜きのチョコクッキー
(あるんですよこれが。 買うなよって?)食べたくなってしまうのです。 
しょーもない。

でも、そんな考えを公にしてしまったので、食べないことにしようっと。
これがブログのメリットかも。 チャン、チャン (*^_^*)

-英

P.S. 誘惑に負けて米しょうゆを使ったおせんべいを食べてしまった・・・。
   でもクッキーより脂肪分は少ないよね?!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Becoming my own healthcare manager - 自分のケアマネージャーになる

(My hands/wrists and arms hurt too much to continue onto the Japanese part... sorry; I'll do that when I can. / 手と腕が痛くなって日本語の部分が出来ませんでした。 また少しよくなったら書き足します。 悪しからず。)

One of the first things I did when I figured out I had fibromyalgia (FMS) last year was to try to find a fibromyalgia research program nearby. Luckily, I found one at the clinic run by University of Washington, (almost) right next door from where I live!

Why? I know some people are afraid they'd be guinea pigs in a research program. It was because I was feeling so crappy after our wedding in September, I was desperate for any help (I also had a scary day that summer when I couldn't even cross one crosswalk without excruciating pain in some muscle and stopping, so that really freaked me out). And because there was so little information out there about how to feel better when you have FMS. There are standard blah blah blah's about what happens, what the symptoms are (it hurts all over your body, you're tired all the time, you become even more of a space cadet from "fibro brain fog"), but not much on what could be the cause (they don't know exactly) or what makes you feel/get better. (Except for pain meds and SSRI/SNRIs which may or may not help you suppress the pain.)

Fibromyalgia seems VERY common. By some estimates, 8 to 12 million people in the U.S. have it. That's like 1 in 22-33 people, which is about the size of a normal person's social circle. So naturally, every time I talk to someone, it seems they know someone who's had it ("oh, my mom's friend has that;" "yeah you know, so-and-so has that"). Not to make light of any cancer by any means, because cancer is devastating, but that's much more common than, say, breast cancer. About 4 to 6 times more common.

So why is there no public awareness campaign, colored ribbon, or charity walks (or whatever) for this disease, which takes away life-as-you-know-it from so many people? My theory is that no one dies from it. It's much more traumatic to see someone die; or see them go through chemo therapy, be in excruciating discomfort from treatments for a period, lose hair and/or lose a breast, than seeing someone with FMS whose symptoms are invisible and persistent. People with FMS probably stop complaining after a while about their relentless pain all over the body all day every day, afraid to alienate friends and family. All our body parts are still intact. So we don't have those friends/family advocating for their lost ones or lost body parts.

(To prove this point, when a famous Japanese former news anchor killed herself supposedly because of her agony with FMS, a flurry of attention was paid to the condition right after.)

Another thing is, very few people get completely better from it, so there are no "survivors" who are pumped up to advocate for the remaining/upcoming patients. People with FMS are always tired and in pain, and a lot of times blood flow to the brain decreases that they feel like they may not be as sharp as they used to feel (my theory is your brain is busy reacting to the "ItHurtsItHurtsItHurtsItHurtsItHurts OuchOuchOuchOuchOuch" thoughts that it has little room left). When you're tired, in pain AND feeling dumb, it's kind of hard to lead a great public awareness campaign.

Also since the condition varies so greatly from one person to the next, which means each person's etiology is very individual, there is little hope that we can create a drug or "cure" to help all FMS patients. It's a complex, often mysterious series of symptoms, which affects more than one body part. It's not like Viagra, where they could say, "Look! We made your penis stand up!" That means the big drug companies are not that motivated to put money into it or create public awareness about the condition (have you noticed that a lot of PR campaign about a condition usually comes after some drug comes out?).

All of this results in poor information distribution, and less awareness in the medical community. Although it is a distinct set of symptoms and it's known that FMS patients' central nervous system is somehow affected in a particular way to screw up our pain mechanism, a lot of doctors still call it a "waste basket diagnosis," or something that's "all in her/his head." Some say it's "difficult to diagnose," but I've learned that for a doctor who knows what she/he is doing, they can take a systematic approach and diagnose you fairly easily (it may take time and lots of tests, but it is very clear).

This is kind of understandable, considering in modern medicine, doctors are encouraged to have only one "specialty," whether that be neurology or surgery or family medicine. As any specialist's practice is focused in one area, doctors tend to dismiss what doesn't fit in the mold/thinking of their particular practice. Most of the time we see a family practice physician who is required to know a bit about hundreds of conditions if not thousands, and since most of them don't come across an FMS patient very often, it's only fair that they may not be most up-to-date about it (although some doctors are willing to learn more than others). A lot of the doctors have heard about it, read about it in some journal, which may or may not be up-to-date. So rather than "I've seen a lot of this, I know what to do," it's more like, "I've heard that this may or may not work for some FMS patients."

While I really liked my naturopath, I realized, and he realized, that his expertise may be limited in order to stabilize my urgent symptoms and possible underlying infections. He was diligent enough to test me for - and find out - my vitamin D deficiency and Epstein-Barr virus (EBV) infection, but wasn't really comfortable to interpret the EBV data as he hadn't seen enough of it.

So I figured, I need to get myself close to the source of FMS information - the people who are actively trying to find out what works. (This was before I found my doctor at Fibromyalgia and Fatigue Center, who is working to stabilize my immune deficiency.) I wasn't the type to sit back and wait to see if someone would deliver some latest drug to me via an ad in REDBOOK magazine. I'd have to become an expert myself, so I can manage my care and symptoms, choose what treatments I want - I need to become my own health care manager, not a passive patient!

The big drug companies may not be interested, but NIH is concerned enough to make a grant for fibromyalgia research, and there are people at Univ. of Washington (UW) Fibromyalgia Research Program who cared enough to apply for that grant. And their research program doesn't involve drugs; it's more about effects of self-management of pain through progressive stretching/strengthening exercises and proven pain management techniques, so the pain doesn't get worse and hopefully get better. The program also teaches us to kind of trick our brain, so it would be distracted from pain, so to speak. They also taught us: Endorphins we can make our body produce is more powerful than any opiates, even morphine; so if we can trick our body to produce it, their theory is that it must help our pain with no side effects. Sounds good to me. (It also helps that it's not one of those double-blind studies, so everyone who participates get the most effective program.)

I Google'd them, contacted them and signed up a long time ago (like 6 months ago), but because I was recovering from an acute Epstein-Barr virus infection (a.k.a. mono), they had to have me wait for more than the normal 8-week waiting period (they were afraid my body was too weak to start the exercises). So I just started a couple of weeks ago. We meet with a health psychologist and physical therapist every week for 8 weeks, to learn better pain management skills (tricks of the trade).

One of the problems with FMS patients is that since it hurts everywhere all the time, it becomes hard to get up and move about (sometimes it feels like someone's inserting needles into my feet/legs/hands/arms/back/neck - other times they're sore - other times it feels like some broken glass particles are going through my veins every time the blood pumps). Just like when you wear a cast on a broken leg or arm, not moving around weakens/shortens your muscles, bones and other soft tissues. Then moving becomes even harder, and soreness worse when you do move (since the pain is kind of amplified in an FMS patient's brain). This vicious cycle continues, and for some, becomes a road to disability.

So one of the study's premises is to keep your flexibility and mobility through exercise - every day, no matter how much it hurts. So I end up stretching/strengthening my various body parts for about 30 minutes every day, going through breathing exercises to relax all my muscles, and doing an aerobics exercise for 20-30 minutes every day (started from 6 minutes/day), hopefully to increase over time. Theoretically, certain exercises help us produce more endorphins, so we may hurt less in the future. It doesn't sound like much, but when your body feels like you've just ran a marathon on all fours while having a bad flu, it becomes an epic journey.

I guess sometimes the best thing you can do is to put one foot in front of the other, and hope that leads to a better place. :-)

P.S. A bonus: I must become really, really healthy at the end of this, even if it hurts! Yay!

P.P.S. (Post June 21) Now that Lyrica (see my post on June 25) from Pfizer has been approved by FDA for fibromyalgia treatment, I bet we'll see ads popping up, asking us: "Can you have fibromyalgia?"

Saturday, June 9, 2007

The tortoise and the hare - ウサギと亀

Woke up after almost exactly 2 hours of sleep.


It was a horrid dream and muscle spasms that woke me up. I was dreaming I was trying to reach for my topical medication for pain, which I needed in reality. In the dream I had taken some bad combination of drugs which made debilitating numbness trickle down from my head, slowly taking over my whole body. To make matters worse, Daniel next to me was expressing some physical change of his own - it was contagious!

Sometimes our worst fears subconsciously creep into our dreams.

I'd watched my ex-mother-in-law through her last stages of MS. At the end, she was paralyzed from her neck down, with very little control over her fingers on just one hand. But cruelly, pain and discomfort remained. Prevalence of MS in Colorado, where we lived, happens to be higher than usual for some unknown reason, just like Washington state; so my ex was always worried that I might get it one day.

Sharon was a proud woman who'd put herself through school in her middle age and landed herself a good career before she became bed bound. I loved her spirit and looked up to her. She was active all her life - she loved riding horses and hiking; she bowled in a league and loved playing softball. When her knee buckled and her leg went limp for the first time, she was running to the first base.

She hated to be helpless and it drove her mad she had to ask for help from others. She was used to being in charge; she was a caretaker of others; she was the dependable one. The fact she depended on us ate her away.

While my illnesses are not even close to MS in terms of being life threatening (as FMS by itself almost never kills and celiac disease is almost always treatable when caught early enough), that helplessness must be where my fears lie.

I was used to taking care of myself and others; I was used to being in charge. I started out as a weak child, but I worked hard at becoming stronger, making myself a leader in different teams. I hate the fact that I'm now the weak link.

When I was looking after my mother-in-law, I wished she'd be less fussy about being helped, and now I know exactly how she felt. Helpless. I feel like a wind can blow and make it so that I suddenly can't walk further.

I participated in different forms of athletics all my life, and I tend to subscribe to "no pain, no gain" philosophy. The fear of becoming helpless was driving me to walk further, to maybe overdo the exercises for the fibromyalgia study when my body was still recovering from EBV/mono infection. Hence the pain that disturbs sleep.

I'm learning. I need to back off myself. I need to learn to be a tortoise.

...And there goes the birds.

P.S. Thanks to the rainy weather, I was able to go back to sleep some more. :-) Maybe I'll take it easy today.

2時間だけ寝たあと、ばっちり目が覚めてしまいました。

悪夢と痛み、けいれんのせい。
夢の中で、痛み止めと抗けいれんに効果のある塗り薬をとろうとするのですが、
何か良くない薬の飲み合わせのせいで、頭の先からだんだん痺れて、
体が麻痺していくのです。しかもそれは何故かうつってしまい、
隣に寝ているダニエルもなんだか体の変化を訴える。

きっと、自分が今一番恐れていることが、
意識下から夢に忍び込むのですね。

以前結婚していたとき、義理の母がMS(多発性硬化症)だったのを
看病してその影響を目の当たりにしました。

彼女の場合は首から下ほとんど全部麻痺してしまい、
最期には何本の指かだけときたま思うように動かせるだけ。
でも残酷なことに、痛みや痺れなどの不快感は続く毎日でした。

何故か前住んでいたコロラド州ではMSの発症例が他より多く
(ワシントン州もそうですが)、前の旦那が私もいつか発症するんじゃと
おどおどしていたのを覚えています。

義母のシャロンは誇り高い女性でした。
子育てをしている間に少しずつ大学・大学院へと通い、
いい仕事を勝ち取ったあとの発病。
強い精神の持ち主で、どうやって生きてきたか話すたび
お手本にしたいと思いました。

病気をする前は生涯通じて非常にアクティブで、
乗馬やハイキングを愛し、リーグに入って
ボウリングとソフトボールを楽しんでいました。
40代はじめ、ソフトボールの試合で1塁に走ろうとしていた最中、
突然膝ががくんと落ち脚がだるくなって走れなくなったとのことでした。

彼女はひとに弱みを見せるのが嫌いで、
周りに助けを乞うことがいやな性格でした。
周りの世話役として、しっかり者として人生を過ごしてきたからです。
私たちに寄りかかざるを得ないことがとてもつらいようでした。

私の病気はMSのように命に関わるものではないので、
彼女のとてつもない不安とは比べようがありません。
(FMSは治らなくてもそれだけで死に至ることはありませんし、
セリアック病も早期発見すればがんなどに発展することはなく、
グルテンフリーの生活を続ける限り、また悪化はしません。)
でも、同じような無力感が私の恐れていることなのだと思います。

シャロンほどのしっかり者ではありませんが、
自分の身の回りのことは(ほどほどに)自分でしてきて、
周りに気を配り世話焼きをする側で行動してきたからです。
小さい頃は細くて体もそんなに強くなかったのですが、
頑張って努力して、スポーツではチームキャプテンなどにもなれました。

それだけに、こうして今「弱い者」になったのが悔しいのです。

義母を看病しているときは、「もうしょうがないんだから、
素直にお世話させてくれればいいのに」と思いましたが、
(残念なことに)彼女がこの世にいない今、
気持ちが痛いほど分かります。 

無力感、弱者になった気分。
風がふうっと気まぐれで吹けば
痛くなって歩けなくなるかもしれない、と恐れること。

体育会系のクラブに所属し、学校以外でも
スポーツを続けてきた私は、「痛くなければ強くならない」と思ってきました。

無力に、弱者になるのを恐れて、そのせいで
リサーチに参加する上での運動を、少しやりすぎたのかも知れません。
EBウィルスとサイトメガロウイルスに感染して単核症になっていたのに、
それを乗り越えようとするあまりプッシュし続けたのが
裏目に出たのかも。 だからきっとやってくる、眠りを防ぐ痛み。

アホですが、学習しています。 ちょっと引くこと。
良くなるためには亀になること。

はぁ、また鳥がさえずってきました。

P.S. 雨のおかげてまたちょっと眠れました。 今日はちょっとゆっくりします。

Friday, June 8, 2007

Celebrating small successes - 小さな成功を喜ぶこと。

TGIF!

I want to give a quick shout-out to the ladies who are in the UW Fibromyalgia Study group (I'll write more on this on another day), in case any of you stopped by.

You are almost getting through another week! Congrats and good job! AND it's a beautiful day to boot. (Can you tell from my cheery tone that I got some sleep?)

I tend to be goal- and big-picture-oriented myself, so often times I feel like I'm accomplishing nothing. But I think there is a lot to be said for celebrating small successes, especially when trying to get better.

Those of you in the study, I'm proud of you/us that we got through another week, with added exercises and such. And all of us showed up. I know very well it's often hard to drive or even take a ride as a passenger to travel. It shows the commitment to better health!

If you are having a bad day, look here:
www.cuteoverload.com
Awww. Despite what Landmark Theatres would like us to believe ("The language of film is universal," was it?), I think an even more universal language is cuteness.

If that weren't enough, try the Cuteness Trifecta section. Personally, I cannot stay grumpy after looking at this section.

Only if the G8 leaders looked at Akagami the ham while debating about missile stations.
-A

P.S. And DON'T do too much on the weekend... Remember, pacing... (I'm mostly telling myself.)

P.P.S.
The Royalty Theory
by Janet Hulme, MA, PT

"People with fibromyalgia are descendants of royalty.
How do I know this? Well, because they are more acutely aware of
everything, sound, light, touch, and smell. They could not possibly lift
or clean and of course they need a heat pad and a massage."


金曜日! (「花金」とか、いまどきまだ言うのかな~?)

この場を借りて、ワシントン大学の
線維筋痛症リサーチプログラムに参加している皆さんにご挨拶。
(このリサーチグループに関しては後日また記述します。)

もうちょっとで、また一週間無事に過ごしました!
お疲れ様です。 その上きれいな晴れ日!
(陽気さかげんから、ゆうべは前より眠れたの、分かります~?)

個人的に、ゴールやプロジェクト、大きな達成を
目指してしまうことが多く、よく何にもしていないような気になるのですが。
小さな成功を喜ぶことは、特に体調を良くしようと努力しているとき、
大事だと思います。

リサーチに参加している皆さん、また一週間頑張ったこと、
誇りに思います。 運動量も増やしたし、大変でした。
運転したり、単に乗り物に乗って移動するのもつらいことが多いのに、
ミーティングは全員出席! 良くなろうという決心がうかがえます。

もし今日調子が悪かったら、これを見て。
www.cuteoverload.com
Landmark Theatres は「映画の言葉は世界的」(って日本語でも言うの。
「世界共通」とか、もうちょっと気の利いた訳は思いつかなかったんだろうか)
とのたまいますが、きっともっと共通なのは「可愛さ」でしょう。

もしそれでも機嫌が良くならなかったら、
駄目押しの「可愛さ三冠王」を。
個人的には、これを見た後は笑わずにいられません。

G8 サミットの首領がみんな、ミサイルステーションとか議論する前に
ハムのあかがみ君を見ればいいのに~。

P.S. 週末いっぺんにいろいろやりすぎないよう気をつけましょう。
あとで疲れを出して痛い目にあうから~。 (自分に言っている。)

P.P.S.
王室説
理学療法士 ジャネット・フルム

「線維筋痛症を患う人は王室の子孫か生まれ変わりに違いない。
なんでそんなこと分かるかって? 彼らは普通の人より
音や、光、手触り、匂い、すべてに関する感覚が優れているし、
頑張っても物を持ち上げることも、掃除することも出来ないもの。

それを考えたら、熱治療とマッサージが必要なのは当たり前。」
っていうのは冗談ですけどね (^_^)

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Anchorage Marathon, here I come! (OMG I wonder if I can walk tomorrow) - アンカレッジマラソン、やるぞー!( 明日歩けるかな?)


I get asked a lot, "So, how are you doing nowadays?"
(I always would like to answer, "just fab!")

While it's well-intended and much appreciated, this is actually a very hard question to answer for people with fibromyalgia, because the answer varies so much from day to day, week to week.

Case in point:
A couple of weeks ago, for a few days I was feeling OK except intermittent aches and pains. So I was boasting: "I want to do a marathon again! Maybe I'll run the one in Anchorage in a couple of years! I've never been to Alaska, it seems fun."

Last night, after I did the aerobic exercise for the fibromyalgia study group, I had such burning pains through my legs, it literally felt like someone stuck a hot iron under my skin, all along my muscles and tendons. It made me cry. I thought, "what if I end up in a wheelchair?" Daniel had to soothe me to sleep.

With pains running through my whole body, I forced myself to sleep with help of a muscle relaxant and melatonin supplement. Thanks to the rainy weather in Seattle, I was able to sleep past sunrise, logging in 8 hours of sleep. (Yay!)

Now, I still hurt, but not as much, and I am newly hopeful.

A gentleman I met at the fibromyalgia clinic said rain seems to make it worse for him. (That seems bad in a place like Seattle.) Thankfully, for me that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm still trying to figure out what can help and what may affect it.

For today, I feel like I can walk. And for that I'm grateful.

As Scarlett O'Hara says, "After all, tomorrow is another day."

Or I just need a Segway on bad days.
-A

よく、「最近、どう調子は?」と聞かれるのですが・・・
(気持ちとしてはいつでも「ばっちり!」と言いたい。)

心配して聞いてくださることなので勿論ありがたいのですが、
線維筋痛症の人にとっては、これは実は難しい質問です。
その週、または日によって、変動が大きいから。

そのいい例。

2週間ほど前、調子がほどほどに良かったので、
「またマラソンしたいなー。 アンカレッジマラソンに参加しよう!
アラスカは行ったことないしきれいで楽しそう。
2年くらいで出来るんじゃないかな~」などと
私はほざいていました。

そしてゆうべ。
線維筋痛症のリサーチプログラムの為に有酸素運動をした後、
脚全体が燃えるように痛くて、まるで筋肉と靭帯にそって、
皮膚の下に熱い鉄片を押し付けられているようでした。

なんだか悔しくて涙が出てきて、同時に
「車椅子でしか動けないようになったらどうしよう」と
不安になりました。
ダニエルが慰めてくれて、やっと落ち着きました。

体中痛いのを出来るだけリラックスさせて、
筋弛緩剤とメラトニンの入った薬を飲み、
無理矢理眠りました。

シアトルの雨のお陰で、日の出にも気付かず、
8時間の睡眠。 (いぇーい。)

今朝。
痛いけれど、昨日よりは良くなって、
また希望を感じます。

線維筋痛症クリニックで会った人の中には、
雨の日はいつもより具合が悪い、という人もいました。
(雨の多いシアトルでそれは大変そう。)
ラッキーなことに、私の場合雨は影響しない・・・と思います。

まだ、何がいったい影響するのか、
何が助けになるのか、研究している最中です。

今日は、「また歩ける!」と思います。
それに感謝。

明日は明日の風が吹く、ってかー。

それか、具合の悪いときセグウェイがあればいいんだわ~。