Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Gettin' used to feeling chunky - 自分のずんぐりした姿に慣れること。

Weather: Cloudy; 62°F - but in the 70s during the day
Energy Level: 3.5 out of 10
Mood: Still yo-yo'ing
Health: Better than the last time I wrote, but tired from the weekend

↑ Tiffany & Andy's deck -
right in the smack middle of Genesee Park,
where SeaFair was! Blue Angels were coming
right at us. No kidding. Really.

Maybe I'm being vain, but I can't help being a girl. I totally feel chunky.

Let me back up a little. This past weekend was great fun, because Chris and Ian, our friends from Colorado (although Chris lives in Burbank, CA now) were visiting to attend a friend's wedding here in Seattle. Ruth, Chris's lovely wife, was supposed to be here too, but a glitch in her pregnancy prevented her from coming :-( She's feeling OK, but please send some good energy in the direction of Southern California!

So among other things, we got to visit with the familiar faces from Colorado. We hadn't seen Tiffany and Andy (who also moved to Seattle) forever, at least not since they bought their house, and we got to do a brunch at their place. I was happy because I was dying to get something for their housewarming. Among other little things, I found a "Foot in the Door" door stopper, which you can see a bit of in the picture.

It was great to socialize and soak up some sun. I realized I must be more extroverted than I previously thought - having (good) people around really cheered me up.
I realized, even if I wasn't feeling completely up to it physically (hence the mountain of pillows I brought to alleviate pain), I should go ahead and try to socialize.

Being a good, responsible man that he is, Chris already sent us the online picture album of his trip to Seattle, which included the picture above among others.

I really enjoyed the pictures, so I really don't want Chris to feel bad about sending them around. But I must admit, it was kind of hard to see myself kind of out of it, sickly, and chunky.

I've had a sneaky suspicion that I was getting a little heavier, because my jeans have been tighter. (We don't own a scale.) I've been having thyroid dysfunction which makes me retain more water, but I don't think that's the main issue. It's the low activity level with the same amount of appetite (which I seem to have no problem with - even when I'm sick I can eat).

This realization was also aided by the fact that I ordered a sweater dress in size XS in the mail (since I was too dizzy to go shopping), tried it on, and had to take it off right away when I realized I no longer fit comfortably in extra small.

Some of you reading this in the U.S. (where I believe the average size is 10-12) might say "What's the big deal?! You went from a size 2 to a 4," but I must tell you, I don't have the height or big enough bone structure to support the extra weight. What might look like 5 pounds on you would look like 10 or 15 on me. Coming from a land of tiny women, stepping into the present day American size 4 (which is apparently about 2 or 3 sizes bigger than the size 4 in the 50s/60s, BTW) means I became a Japanese size L from M.

I've never been one of those people with great metabolism to begin with, so I've always had to work pretty hard to maintain the feel-good weight. (Also I became really heavy when I first came to an American high school as an exchange student, so I had to really work off the weight.) It works when I'm able do that. Right now, I can't. I've been walking/biking at least 3-4 times a week since I joined the FMS Research Program, but that's apparently not enough, considering my metabolism has slowed down and I'm sedentary the rest of the time. I've been itching to go running, but if I did, that would put me out of commission for days, which would negate the whole point of running.

I also have a very (brutally) honest husband who can't lie, which is usually a good thing. Upon being asked, "I've become a little chunky, huh," his response was at first silent, then, " haven't been able to be as active, so..." He then hastily added, "You are still beautiful to me and that's what's important! And you need to feel healthy first!"

(Even if it were a white lie, if he had said something like "Not at all! You're probably bloated!" I probably could have slept more.)

...I appreciate his nice(?) thought, and yes, it's true, I need to feel healthy first. I feel like I am getting better little by little, so that is probably possible. Yet, late at night (especially after a setback), sometimes I lay awake and wonder: "What if this is as good as it gets?" (It's like that movie.)

And such nights make me want to eat my gluten-, dairy-, and egg-free chocolate cookies. (Yes, such a thing exists, available for purchase. Who knew?) Aggghhh. But since I'm making my thoughts (semi) public, I won't this time. Maybe this is the benefit of a blog :D


P.S. I broke down and ate some rice crackers. Hey, at least they seem less fatty. :P

天候:  曇り。 17°C (日中はもっとあったかいです。)
元気度: 3.5/10
気分: まだちょっと、行ったり来たり
体調: 疲れてるけどすぐ前のポストよりずっとまし。

↑ R2-D2の郵便ポスト!
Awesome R2-D2 mailbox, n'est-ce pas?






思いました。 自分ではどちらかというと内向的な性格かと



思ってはいたのですが・・・。 (体重計は持たない主義)


災いしました。 XS を頼んだのですが、着てみてぎょっとしたので

ばかでかいので、S の域に入ると日本では
L だと思います。)

かなり努力してきました。 (それにアメリカに高校のとき留学して来た際、


足りないのでしょう。 新陳代謝は余計悪くなっているし。

言うのです。 (漫画だったら、ここで涙がダーッと出るところ。
眠れたものをー。) その後に慌てて、「それでも君は僕にとっては
美しいから! 健康になるのが第一だし!」と。

(前者だとは思うけど。) そうね、回復するのが第一よね、とは
思いますです、ハイ。 でも、こんな眠れないとき(特に調子を崩してるとき)、

(あるんですよこれが。 買うなよって?)食べたくなってしまうのです。 

これがブログのメリットかも。 チャン、チャン (*^_^*)


P.S. 誘惑に負けて米しょうゆを使ったおせんべいを食べてしまった・・・。

1 comment:

Danc said...

Big hugs!

Balance is hard, but you are doing great. The cherry tomatoes are growing redder by the day and the flowers are still blooming.

Every month things have been a little better. :-)


PS: The dress...nice color, weird sleeves. Sometimes the girl is better than the is a truth of Shopping.